Cheated


Sadness doth take me over
Things look grey, whithered and so much older
I feel the sun’s heat but its rays feel so much colder
The flames that burned in my heart for you now have smoldered

Erwin, stop it with that poetic bit
You’ve given up yourself and gotten back shit
You look calm but inside we know you’re throwing a fit
Depression sets in, suicidal thoughts abound, I’d better get that first-aid kit

Alive or dead, I have no worth
Enduring tough hardships since my birth
Used to living in a world of suffering and hurt
Suicidal thoughts? I haven’t lost myself yet, I’m still fully alert

OK then, let’s keep on with the flow
Come on dude, let everything including yourself go
Express yourself, make me see your feelings and emotions show
What she told you I would like to know

She slept with a “friend” about a month ago
Additional details I did not want to know
They had drinks, he kissed her and she didn’t say no

I’m sorry, Erwin, but I gotta say it – what a hoe

To top it off, the guy’s name is Duke
Fucking a guy with a dog’s name makes me want to puke
I asked her more than once if he was still her friend and she didn’t rebuke

Then no doubt this wasn’t a fluke

I sensed things were wrong before and she said things were going to be okay
Together we were going to get through the long distance and the 2 hour time delay
Her words of reassurance though, like our relationship, have begun to fade
She made her choice and now she’s gotta live the consequences of the choice she made

Song I'm Listening to Right Now: Goodbye - Jagged Edge

The Negative Effects of Beer

Signs That Erwin Has Had Quite A Few Beers

1. More people flock to him (not really), generating more body heat, thus creating a redness in his face
2. The greater volume of people (again, not really) also raises conversation; Erwin gets louder to compensate
3. With more people around, it's important that no one is left out of the conversation. That's why Erwin speaks super slow, almost resembling word slurring

And after Friday night,

4. The millions (and millions) of people listening to Erwin talk are silenced by his awe inspiring words of wonder....NOT!

Actually, Friday night was weird. My happy hour drinking at Dos Hermanos seemed to impair my ability to hang in conversations. Normally (sober or not), I'm pretty good at keeping conversations going as it seems like I always have something to say about everything. Nothing that came out of my mouth made sense. I mean, I don't normally make sense, but there was nothing brash or witty I said. Maybe beer makes me a more geeky, dull person

Of course, it may not have just been the beer that shut me up. It could have also been the main topic of my happy hour - tea bagging and snow blowing - which was started by a bunch of females in the office; yeah, that left me pretty speechless

WTF?? of the Day: WTF is up with Saturday Night Live? It's become a pretty sleezy gay show. Really, it has - there were at least 3 skits where guys were kissing each other or pretty close to kissing each other. They allow that on TV, but they don't allow swearing or vulgar language, go figure. WTF??

Conversation Killa

As long as I am working in the middle of downtown Chicago, there will surely be more of the following:

So I'm on the train...

So I'm on the train coming home from a long day's work, and a co-worker of mine sees me and decides to sit next to me. While I don't mind company on the train, I enjoy my quiet times to myself on the train people watching. This person, however, is not the kind of person I'd choose to talk to over my moments of people observing...

You see, one of my greatest pet peeves is how some people just don't listen. This person likes to ask me questions but not listen to my answers...

So I'm on the train, not really paying attention to her and channelling my focus on other people's train actions when out of nowhere this person asks if I wanted to have kids in the future. Not realizing what the conversation was about, I responded with a dumbfounded "Ummm, yeah." She responded with "Yeah, I want kids too." And this 200+ pound behemoth of female origin said it with a weird gleam in her eye. Like wtf? Was I supposed to take that a certain way?

Dude, the whole thing was totally wrong. I got train sick and claustrophobic all at the same time. And the invisble Erwin that was the people watcher became the people's watchee. The mental images of conception and carrying the fetus in one of her many rolls will forever scar me for life.

Onto brighter things (according to Stacey), the

Daily Fact of the Day: The name Damian is of Greek origin and means "sweet and harmless."

Smalltown USA
Stopped by OfficeMax today, the place that funded my lunch money in high school and gas money in college. I saw some new faces (it's retail, there's ALWAYS a new face lurking somewhere), but also a couple familiar ones, the ones I used to work with. The OfficeMax on Harlem and Lawrence reminds me of movies about unhappy smalltown people trying to "make it big" and leave the smalltown for bigger and better things. It's so true, I should know - I worked there for 5 friggin years.

Every year was supposed to be my last Back-to-School and each year I was back for it. I was stuck at OfficeMax and no matter what I did, I couldn't get out. I wasn't the only one though; in the time I was there, I heard just about everyone bitch and moan about the place. But we were all still there. We would talk about leaving, but no one ever really did. And even the ones who did leave came back (in Carl's case over and over again).

On my way out of Omax, I ran into Leo. He shook my hand and told me that he was proud that I was able to make something of myself beyond OfficeMax. In his eyes, I was one of the few who made it, who left the "smalltown" for bigger endeavors, an Omax success story. This smalltown boy is making it big in the world!

OK, here comes the always redundant

Daily Fact of the Day: Skunks can shoot their stinky spray only 6-10 feet, but it can be smelled up to 2.5 miles away...Conversely at a distance of 6-10 feet, Carl's asshole is 2.5 miles wide

"Down There In a Few, Bro..."

I'm on my way to Kat's place when on the phone:

Kat: You here?
Erwin: Yeah, I'm here
Kat: Ill be down there in a few, BRO

I got off the phone feeling weird that a female actually called me "bro". It's kinda like a dark skinned person of African origin (to be politically incorrect - black) being called a _igga by someone who wasnt negro (again, black). Not to seem sexist or anything, but guys call each other "bro," I don't think it was a term meant for the sistas to use I guess it would be OK if Kat was a dyke (dykes are pseudo-males), but she shows no dykish tendancies. Wussup with that?!

Anyways, here comes the

Headline of the Day: Scientists Say Video Games Are Addictive A study was done that confirmed what parents have known for years - video games can be addictive. DUH! I find it ironic that scientists have so much spare time on their hands that they're actually researching this when they don't even see the underlying reason for video game-itis: Gaming addicts, like these scientists, have way too much friggin time on their hands

+1
At work, +1 is the name given to the first business day of each month signifying the closing of the previous month's activity. It's the most stressful day of each month, so much that the company is willing to pay for meals and transportation to motivate their employees to work hard. Today was +1; from this quick lesson in business, you can conclude that this month's +1 is going to suck even more because it falls on a Monday and Mondays always suck. So how did I prepare for +1? I was out till midnite the nite before drinkin my happy ass off and celebrated the beginning of Monday scarfing down a king size steak burrito at TBK...

I woke up after 3 hrs of sleep realizing that I acheived a "burrito buzz" - visualize a jagr bomb: a shot of jagr dropped in a glass of red bull. Now think of a burrito as the jagr shot being dropped into a stomach full of beer. The burrito buzz, like the jagr bomb, can and will fuck you up.

The great thing about being buzzed is that you're in your own happy world being completely oblivious to everything else happening around you. I walk into work on +1 with my burrito buzz, quite content that a US dollar account I manage was in negative territory. If you're checking account was negative $100, I think you'd be upset with a $25 overdraft fee. My US dollar account was negative $50 MILLION...And I was being charged close to $10,000 in overdraft charges a day... And I was content with it thanks to the burrito buzz. Thank you burrito buzz!


Cheap Plug of the Day: Pixar Entertainment's "Finding Nemo" available for purchase beginning in 30 minutes!

Where Have You Been?, Part 2
It's been over 3 months since I posted a damn thing on this friggin site, I could think of at least two reasons why:
(1) A few days after the last post, I took a trip to Washington and came back as a nature lovin tree huggin hippie, going around the world to save all trees, coniferous and deciduous alike.
(2) When I wasn't saving the Amazon, I started reading The Lord of the Rings and all of a sudden I was in the millenium version of the 80s movie the Neverending Story. I was going onto the 2nd chapter when I stumbled upon a ring...and when I put it on, I disappeared. I realized that I needed to take it back to Mount Doom not only to save the world as we know it, but also to save the trees.
Wait...there's a 3rd reason...
(3) I lifted the self-imposed ban on posting stuff due to my right of free speech being violated. I figured, if people are going to tell me what not to write about on a private site, then I might as well make it a public site and have the whole world censor me (Like that, Kat, I'm back!)
Anyways, instead of the weekend updates, I'm going to move on...but sometimes in order to go two steps forward, ya need to take one step back. Reminiscing Moment, better watch out: That whole line about going backwards to go forward is so true. It was around this time last year (Flashback in Progress), when I said the same thing after losing my job. Not to mention other crappy things were going on in my life. It sucked. Life sucked. Feeling like a worthless piece of shit sucked. Going to the gym twice a day because that was the only productive thing I did well sucked. Then going to the bars and drinking yourself out of pity and then back into it sucked even more. Life went on though, and so did I. 365+ days later, I think about where I was, and where I'm at now and I can honestly say that I'm a better person because of the struggle and the triumph (geez, I meet the criteria of an epic hero, yeah it's all in my mind, but it's true, it's damn true). Like that Crystal Method song title, Keep Hope Alive.
Oh, the point of this story (Harsh end to the reminiscing moment): The unemployment website. The now defunct unemployment website that I created because I had spare time is what brought this whole blog about. Discussed strange but true things by putting a "satirical" spin on stuff that happened. My mind was in sync with Matt Stone and Trey Parker, I was living life like it was a really long South Park episode. Then I got a job and things got serious. Posts became serious and depressing. Let's not let that happen again, Otay Otwan?
The Daily Fact of the Day shall return. In the meantime, the typical blog breaker:
Song I'm Listening To Right Now: Figured You Out, Nickelback off their new CD: "I like the pants around your feet/I like the dirt that's on your knees/I like the way you look up at me/and the way you still say please/you're like my favorite damn disease." - Any song that starts out like a porno is bound to be a hit. This will hit the charts, I guar-run-damn-tee it