Early Stress at New Job

So, I have this friend (yeah, I know what you're thinking)...

Who recently accepted a new job. My friend lived a clean life, just an occassional drink or seven (at least that's as far as the friend could count before becoming more and more sober) . Then one day, my friend, inspired by Weezer and their song "We Are All on Drugs" decides to smoooooke. Minutes between tokes seem to last for hours, and after a night of red-eyed puffiness and krispy kreme donuts, my friend is feeling pretty damn good...

Until my friend comes back to work and learns that the new job requires new employees to do a drug test as part of the 90-day use me/screw me period. Now my friend is tweaking out (not really, but that's next on my friend's Druggies for Dummies checklist) not only because of the drug test, but because my friend is an Aries..and you know what they say about Aries, those fucking worriers...they don't shit pellets, droppings or whatever women claim they excrete (you know, like how women claim they don't fart or rip, they puff), no, hell no. Aries shit out monster sized Shaquille O' Neals that smell the way your intestines smell if they were turned inside out and baked in a humid Ethiopian sunbath in the middle of some Manhattan sewer.

So now my friend needs to pee in a cup, but this time, there seems to be a lot more at stake than achieving 100 percent accuracy into the cup. To all my "buds" out there, any advice on what my friend can do to pass it? Should my friend even be worried?

Rest In Peace, Kitty

You will be missed.