Know Your Role and Shut Your Mouth

Better Left Unknown you've done it; you have successfully gotten me to devote my worthless time to replying to your comment from a few posts ago. But instead of "proving myself" to you, I'm going to go one step farther and prove to everyone who reads this that I'm not dellusional - fucktards really do exist...and you are an example of one.

If there's two things I can't stand, it's naivety and ignorance. Naivety is forgivable; I pity the fact that you live a very sheltered life. It's sad that you can't relate to things that go beyond your personal experiences. It's also sad that you have just enough brain cells to formulate a single sentence and can't articulate any farther. I'd like to know why you said what you said and discuss it, but I think it's pretty obvious that all you want to do is trash talk like a little whiny bitch (and yes, that was harsh).

And then there's your ignorance. If you're going to rip on someone, at least know what you're talking about. Uneducated one, there's a difference between ethnicity and nationality. I'm Filipino American. That's my nationality, and that's what I'm proud to identify myself as. Ethnicity is a class of people. Since you never go out, you probably have never filled out a form asking for your ETHNICITY. Since I attempt to interact with society (although usually not willingly), I have filled out many forms with this question and respond with Asian/Pacific Islander. However, there are a few differences that differentiate Asians and Pacific Islanders. And because of those differences, I identify myself as being more Pac Islander than Asian. "Fucktard" needs to be added on to the choices because your class of people is growing at an alarming rate.

This whole ethnicity vs. nationality issue doesn't even bug me. What does bug me is why you choose to focus on what I am rather than who I am. (Cena 5-knuckle shuffle) You don't know me! While I'm all for being proud of your origins, it's disturbing to me that people outwardly show their pride in a way that puts other people down. I live in a city where practically every nationality has a day to celebrate their pride. Even though traffic sucks, I'm fine with it. Some people choose to make their day-long celebration a week-long one, however, and that is not cool with me. Other people will take it the wrong way, intentional or not.

Stop being selfish and think of other people, it's a simple concept. Even Carl takes the rainbow cock off his coffee table when it's not gay pride day =)

The Simple Life

So yah, Friday was my birthday (much thanks to Cathy for reminding me of that). Birthdays, for me, aren't so hard to take. There's really only 3 ages in life - can't drink (before 21), can drink (after 21), and can drink some more (retirement). I think I'm going through a mid-life crisis because at the "can drink" age, I found myself celebrating in "can't drink" ways. Here's the rundown on the birthday festivities (which always seems to be a days-long celebration):

Friday
-Basketball
-Miniature golf
-Mitty's, a local bar

Saturday
-Cubs game
-Batting cages
-Mike's Ale House, my new favorite bar
-Bowling

Sunday
-Picnic at the Little Red School House
-Ice cream at Plush Horse
-Dinner with family at China Chef

So for my birthday, I'm thankful once again for not being a celebrity. Thank goodness birthdays only occur once a year. Now I can crawl back into my hole and resume the life of a hermit once again....I wish...

I Need Your Help

Over the last few months I have been in self-denial over the realization that I guess everyone around me pretty much knew. Throughout the backlash, I've held my head high through all the criticism, telling myself that I am a decent person, and that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. But sometimes the truth hurts, and it's about time that I come clean, so here it goes....folks....I'm....sexually frustrated cinematically challenged.

Yes, I am the movie deprived one. I am the "not everyone" person in a conversing group of people in the statement, "Sorry cool people of the world, we can't discuss this cool movie because 'not everyone' has seen it."

I'm tired of the same but feigned response: "YOU haven't seen the movie?" (like the movie was written, directed and produced just for me). Or how 'bout this truly classic response:

"You haven't seen the movie? It's OK. You're Asian." Now that statement is so wrong. For the record, I am NOT Asian. I am a Pacific Islander (because Hawaiian is not an ethnicity). There is a difference.

So now that I've come clean, I need your help (which is pretty much anyone remaining after the extermination of pretty much my entire reader base over the last month). By hook or by crook, I will become cinematically learned...

...And with my DVD burner and Blockbuster Rewards membership, I don't think I'm choosing "by hook"...

Now if you can just provide me with a few movie titles, I'll be well on my way to overcome this brutal handicap of mine.

Thank you for your support.

Happy Easter

Yet another story from the "Back in My Day" files" for your reading enjoyment:

FLINT, Michigan (AP) -- A group of children hunting for Easter eggs Saturday during a church event found two loaded handguns outside an elementary school. Flint police said officers were called to the scene and also recovered a BB gun and a broken toy gun on the grounds of Gundry Elementary School. No one was injured, Sgt. Michael Coote said. One of the guns discharged when it was dropped, according to a police report, but it was unclear who dropped it. The pastor of Ruth Street Baptist Church told WJRT-TV that one of the handguns had a bullet in the chamber, and the other handgun's clip had bullets in it. "It's terrible that something like this has happened," Pastor Namon Marshall told the station. Coote said he did not know how long the guns had been in the park. Police opened an investigation after confiscating the weapons.

Ummm, yeah....I wasn't fortunate enough to ever participate in an Easter egg hunt as a child, but I know that "back in my day," finding a gun in the middle of a kiddie game just wouldn't happen. Where's the innocence in today's world? It amazes me that we live in a world where the rapid advancement of technology is supposed to make our lives better, yet we still find ways to make our lives more stressful, and thus seemingly less worthwhile. Even worse, we expose our youth to the reality that with life, there is also death. Whether they realize it or not, our youth then learn that death is inevitable, so they fear it. This fear of death becomes a growing anger and hatred for that which, perceived, is out to get them. If adults young and old can't even understand the relationship that exists between death, anger and hatred, how do we expect our growing future to even comprehend? The answer is, "They can't."

Ice Breakers

Contrary to popular belief, I am a shy person when it comes to meeting new people. Yes, I do give people working the toll booths more attention (in a non-sexual way) than the common driver. And yes, I reward restaraunt servers well for the (cough, cough, non-sexual) services I make them do for me. But as anyone who has visited the old form of my website (version 2.0) and remembers my emotional "Ode to the Busboy," people fail to realize that the individuals doing these important tasks are people too, and probably don't get the appreciation they rightfully deserve...

Enough warm and pointless attention to those losers, back to me...so yeah, I'm a shy guy. And to at least one person who shall remain nameless, I'm a boring one at that. BTW, I hope the wrath of Erwin hasn't hit you hard...yet, Becky. Feel better...while you still can =)

Well, I have to thank two wonderful individuals for helping to overcome my shy and boring state at Mrs. Kulash-Welling-Bloom- (and if lesbian marriages become legal in Illinois) Garner's gala event over the weekend. While the celebrity hostess was busy giving tours of her mansion, these two made me feel welcome, like I was right at home. Although the center of conversations, they were willing to give me some attention. One even made me dinner!

Much appreciation goes out to the charcoal grill and beer keg. They rock!

Donde Esta?

Where did I go? Where did everyone else go? Wow, a startling revelation: Less people visit my blog when I do not post as often. What's up with that?

Lately I've spent a lot of my time working at home on my computer. Since I've been geeking in, I haven't gone out. And since I haven't done anything interesting as of late, there just hasn't been very much going on that I would deem blogworthy.

Oh well, summer is quickly approaching and things will be going again like a styrofoam cup on a paper plate on a snowy day. I will leave you with something to ponder...

Question of the Day: Whoever makes it, tells it not. Whoever takes it, knows it not. And whoever knows it, wants it not. What is it?

My, Have Times Changed

(AP) -- Police in Miami say it wasn't oregano that a five-year-old brought to school and sprinkled over a friend's lasagna -- it was marijuana.

A monitor intervened, and the food was confiscated before the other boy had a chance to eat it. Police say it's unclear whether the kindergartner even knew what it was, although they say he tried to hide the bag when a cafeteria monitor approached.

Authorities are investigating the boy's family.

Meantime, there's a similar case in Indianapolis. Authorities say a four-year-old showed crack cocaine to his pre-school classmates, saying it was flour.

Police say the drugs are worth up to ten-thousand dollars. They're still searching for the child's parents, who both have criminal records.

Man, I must be getting really old because I find myself saying the phrase, "Back in the day..." more and more. Back in the day, trading sandwiches with a fellow classmate was the thing to do when you didn't like your lunch. Nowadays, kids are settling for their own lunches, but are offering their special home herbs to friends with less tasty lunches. Is school cafeteria food so terrible that mind-altering drugs are needed to make them taste better? I guess dousing all my meals with ketchup or A1 steak sauce just doesn't cut it anymore...

...And show-'n-tell? Back in the day kids used to oogle and ogle at the brightest, shiniest toys brought to school. Bringing a bag of booger sugar to school? What's so cool about that?

An Observation in Cynicism

Why can't we all take things for what they're worth? Yes, that sounds pretty hypocritical coming from my mouth since I have a tendency to read between the lines and search for deeper meanings that may or may not exist (usually the latter). Some things are just meant to be simply because they are. And sometimes no reason is needed because it simply is not necessary. What it is is what it is (sometimes)...

Case in point: Eric and I drove to a Chicago Rush arena football game today without tickets. We were planning on getting tickets at the arena's box office or finding some scalper who had decent seats. As we were approaching the box office line, we noticed a scalper at the back of the line trying to sell off some tickets. And as the scalper was about to make a deal, out of nowhere comes a guy passing out tickets for free. Not only were the tickets free, but they were also for pretty good seats. And after this courteous gesture by some angel sent down by the arena football god, some dumbassess still had the audacity to question the sincerity of the whole thing.

"Just take the tickets man," was my response. Don't search for hidden agendas because there simply are none. What is it with people (especially in Chicago) second-guessing the obvious? Ignorance is bliss, but it doesn't apply to naive twits that sadly make up a majority of the world population...

Here's two questions for ya (think fast):

1. (From the last post) You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

2. You are participating in a race. If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Murphy's Erwin's Law

To the person who first recommended that one should be at the airport at least two hours before his or her flight, you are a freakin' genius. I have decided to devote the rest of my life to spread awareness of the evils of not being at the airport at least two hours prior. Here's why:

1. 99% of the driving population can't drive. "Hey there ma, there's a truck on dem dere side of the road. It may not be roadkill but it sure is ex-sah-ting to see the poor trucker fella's blinkers go off. Yee dawg-ee" (Having worked retail for 5 years, I'm well-versed in hick). State governments need to add an extra section to the driving exam to test for common sense. It can even be one question, but you only have 2 seconds to answer:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

2. More on common sense, who the freakin' hell does road construction in the middle of morning rush hour? Following in the example of Chicago, that's the time construction crews are on break. Of course, they're also on break for pre-breakfast, breakfast, pre-lunch, lunch, pre-dinner, dinner, dessert and the afternoon rush hour. They may work like hobbits (including the pipeweed smoking), but they sure do get paid damn well for it. Everywhere else take note.

3. So I made it to the airport with an hour left before my flight. I checked my bag in with no problems. I'm in the clear right? Too bad there was a line as long as Shaquille O' Neal's big black bitch splitter just to search the carry-ons. It took about 45 minutes to get to the front of the line, which is probably the amount of time to climb Mount Shaq, isn't that right Carl???

4. 15 minutes left before my flight leaves and I'm finally a few persons away from getting my carry-on checked out. The gameplan now is simple - be really easy going with the friendly security people so as to not attract suspicious attention for an additional search and then dart like a deranged lunatic to my plane which started boarding 20 minutes ago. I somehow failed to factor in the 70+ year old fogey standing at the front of the line who to me conveniently collapsed on the floor. All security halted checking bags to give the guy medical attention, and while everyone was like, "OMG! OMG! Is he OK?", I was like, "OMG!, OMG! I'm going to miss my freakin plane!" Luckily, he got up after a minute and security resumed checking bags as normal. Rather than a heart attack, it turns out that old geezer man's peg leg wasn't put on right and gave out on him.

I was able to make my plane as they were closing it's hatch. This wasn't before being included on a conversation with a bunch of 50-something flight attendants talking about how they were wearing green thongs in honor of St. Patrick's Day though. Welcome to my world...

I Need a Vacation...

...And so it is granted...
This is a swerve
We are all mortals. Our bodies, though strong, cannot defy time. One day, we will die... What matters most is the legacy we leave behind....

Did we become all that we are capable of becoming?

Did we make the difference we came here to make?

Did we pursue our dreams when all around us thought we were chasing illusions?

Only those who dare to rise are able to lift themselves above horizons...

Only those bold enough to chase dreams are the ones who catch them...

WrestleMania: The Showcase of the Immortals

WrestleMania XX...New York City...Madison Square Garden...Where it all begins, again

When the dead return to the living, then so shall I (I like this cryptic ambiguity)...

What Has This World Come To?

Instead of going forward, human civilization is pulling a Santy and going in the wrong direction. Is it really possible to de-evolve? The way things are going, in a few years, brain cells are going to officially become endangered spieces (they're already endangered, but we're too stupid to realize it). We're all eventually going to become amoebas. Unfortunately, some people are already blobs, like Carl, the single-celled asexual.

Yah, it's gotten pretty bad. Whatever happened to basic social skills? I spent almost 2 hours in a seminar today at work on basically learning to become more appreciative. The sad thing? Right after this meeting on saying "thank you", a co-worker of mine received some recognition for doing a good job - and she couldn't even acknowledge the compliment. It's a friggin common courtesy to say thanks; we shouldn't have to sit through a 2 hour session on how to say it.

Then there's stories like the one below that make me realize that I give ourselves way too much credit. This person wins my fucktard of the day award:

COVINGTON, Ga. - A woman was caught trying to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at a Wal-Mart, and was later found with two more of the bills in her purse, police said. The United States Treasury does not make $1 million bills, but people can buy souvenirs of such a bill at some stores, police said. "It looks real, but of course there's nothing real about this," Covington Police Chief Stacey Cotton said Tuesday. "People do crazy things all the time. I think it's just another example of some odd things that occur."

A clerk at the store immediately noticed the bill was fake when 35-year-old Alice Regina Pike handed it to her on Friday, Cotton said. Pike then tried to use two gift cards with only $2.32 of value on them to buy the merchandise, but when that didn't work she again asked if the clerk could cash the $1 million bill, Cotton said. The store then called police. Pike, of Porterdale, was charged with forgery. There was no listing for her phone number in directory assistance, and she could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

Arrrggghhhh

Downtown Chicago - a business mecca, the second largest financial center in the country. Somewhere in the hoopla of perpetual exchange is yours truly, watching money fly around every which way but into my bank account (that would be money laundering which, until our drug lord buddies from down way way south (farther than Worth, IL) decide to take over, is illegal). Six-figure amounts of money isn't all that much. Seven figures is mediocre. Eight figures and higher? Let's start talking...

On any given day, we're hit for hundreds and even thousands of dollars worth of charges. A $700 charge? Take the hit, it's not even worth arguing over. So why the hell am I pissed off that I lost ten freakin dollars???

Is it the fact that I put $10 on my public transportation fare card and forgot to take it out of the vending machine? Nah, slapping myself across the back of my head for doing dumbass things probably killed more brain cells than I already have, making myself dumbass to the extreme (i.e. Eric a fucktard).

Maybe it's because that $10 could have been put to better use. I mean, if Sally Struthers can convince me that ten cents can purchase a cup of coffee in Ethiopia, think of what $10 can do. Or even better yet, I could go to Starbucks twice instead of once a week and get myself a "venti toffee nut frappucino twice blended with whipped cream" that I crave oh so much. Yah, my humanitarian priorities are in order.

I think the reason why I am so pissed about losing $10 is because the person who ended up getting my card out of the machine was a nice little sweet elderly lady. And when I nicely asked the nice little sweet elderly lady for my card...that fucking withered old hag denied she had it. "Hey, #$%! cunt whore, you were right behind me. Are you like on Alzheimers or something? ***Ghetto Max takes over Erwin's body*** Bitch, you'd better recognize and get those social security collectin' hands back in yo' Ben-Gay smellin' purse and gimme my CTA card befo' I bust a cap in yo' ass foo'!"

OK, maybe I didn't say those things to that extent. It would've sounded good at the time though. Damn me for repressing things.

Me No Feel So Good

I hate to bring up yesterday's news (errr, my last post) up again, but is the fact that my nose hasn't stopped bleeding profusely on a daily basis someone's way of telling me that I have an overabundance of blood in my system and that instead of gobbing it up in clumps of tissue, maybe I should go to a blood bank and donate the excess instead? Or am I really the subject of some alium experiment that is testing a new form of a gradual and less painful death (aliums are wusses; after being subjected to having to listen to William Hung, they're pretty squeamish on human suffering).

Maybe I've finally hit some post pubescent menstrual stage. I mean, the first time my nose bled last week I was in the shower, and when I looked at the shower floor, there was blood everywhere. I freaked out like a little girl getting her first period. Now a week later, when I feel my crimson tide coming, I calmly plug it up, thinking that it will end eventually (although it always seems to end more later than sooner).

Hopefully the end is near. It's bad enough coming into work many times with red eyes (due to lack of sleep) looking half-blown. The fact that I am constantly rubbing my nose like a guy on really bad coke surely isn't helping my drug-free image.

Damn Aliums

Ummm, I think I was abducted by aliums over the weekend. After pulling the book, "Where'd That Anal Probe Come From? How to Tell If You've Been Abducted by Aliums" from my reference library, I found an abduction case called an X-File; these "X-Files" later on apparently became the basis for a TV show that was quite popular in the late '90's with the same name (Yes, the X-Files are true stories, everyone of them).

Reading through this one X-File that occured one cool fall season years ago, I found that there are striking similarities between Dana Scully's alium abduction and my potential alium abduction over the weekend:

Scully: Light-headedness, nausea, unexpected nose bleeds, pregnancy

Me: Light-headeness, nausea, unexpected nose bleeds, pregna... an ever-growing beer gut that looks a lot like a pregnant belly

What's more, Scully had two lumps on the back of her neck...I have two scabs on the knuckles of my index and middle finger on my right hand. I tell people that I got the scabs wall climbing, but is that what really happened or is that just what the aliums programmed me to say???

As for the anal probe, even if the aliums shoved it up my ass dry without putting me under anesthesia or being kind enough to use some lube, I still wouldn't have felt it. The 10-foot wide chasm that was once my asshole was carved out of the ass reaming I'm currently getting at work.
The Truth Is Out There, FUCKTARD
Oh by the way...there is a secret message hidden somewhere in this post. Cookies for you if you find it...

Brew and View Review: The Passion of the Christ

OK, to be honest, I didn't see the movie at an actual brew and view. But I did have a few beers last night and less than 12 hours later, I did see the movie with the alcohol still somewhere circulating throughout my body, so does that count? Eh, I didn't think so either, so much for trying to make ends meet...

If Mel Gibson just read the above, he'd probably go William Wallace on me. Yes, the movie has a serious overtone to it. Moreover though, "The Passion" is a very in-your-face depiction of the last few hours of Jesus the Christ. Mr. Lethal Weapon wants you to not only be fully aware of the harsh reality of the situation, but also do some personal reflection from it as well. And that's the real reason why this movie would never appear in a brew-and-view; to view this movie with distractions all around defeats Mellie Mel's true intentions for creating the movie.

Did I like the movie? Yes...wait, no....wait. There really isn't an answer to that question. The more important question that should be asked is, "Did the movie appeal to human emotion?" And with that, I give a resounding "Yes-sir-ree Bob." To not feel anything during the movie is inhuman. It doesn't matter what your faith or beliefs are; moviegoers witnessed the beating and death of a man. If that isn't disturbing, then you have problems.

I admit, the reason why I wanted to see the movie was out of curiosity. The news media hyped the movie, taglining it as something not suitable for young viewers. The bloodlust in me wanted to see how violent this movie was. Actions, in this movie, truly speak louder than words. I found myself in the movie, wanting to throw in the towel for a man who was beaten and whipped, strips of flesh ripped out, blood spraying everywhere, until close to death. If this was any other movie, I would have thought the violence was fun to watch. But this is reality; seeing welts caused by whips eventually become chunks of flesh removed by spiked chains is not fun to look at. This is what it was really like.

Another thing in the back of my mind before watching the movie was the cry of potential anti-Semitism that this movie might create. I put myself in different viewpoints throughout the movie and failed to see how one group of people could be targeted. The movie does a great job of showing that we as mankind were and still are fully accountable for the death of Jesus. If there is one group of people that could be held at fault, "we" are that group. To those who were able to absorb the movie, however, it doesn't really matter. "We" are given forgiveness for that which we do not know we do.

So that's my take on the movie. I'm not going to rate it because it shouldn't be rated. And I'm not going to recommend it either, because it's really all subjective on each individual perspective (of course, if we all thought like that Roger Ebert wouldn't have a job and therefore die of malnourishment from lack of popcorn butter)...

For anyone closer to my age that's seen the movie: Did you notice how the devil kinda looked like Billy Corgan? I knew there was something evil about that metro-hippie

If They Only Knew

For the un-teenth time in the last few days, I got a call from Loyola (sucks) tonight. They've been calling pretty often recently for what I had suspected to be some kind of solicitation for donations. I don't quite understand the cry for help schools use to target their alumni. As an alumnus of a sucky school, why should I feel obliged to give them money? It's a private university, so how much in need could they possibly be? I'd rather give my money to a worthy cause, or at the very least to someone who actually needs the money...

Anyways, instead of screening my calls or picking up the phone and pretending I'm someone else, I actually took the call, hoping it would once and for all make them stop calling. It probably won't, but if word spreads about the call tonight, they won't be calling me for a long time. Here's a general condensed version of the phone dialogue:

Loyola Chick: We're calling to see how you've been doing since graduating a few years back. Do you have a few minutes?
Erwin: Umm, I'm watching WWE Smackdown and this huge fat wrassler guy is about to shove his ass in this other wrassler guy's face. I think I can spare a couple minutes.
Loyola Chick: Well, first of all I just wanted to give you an update on the school of business. We're excited about our new business dean. He went to Loyola and received both his degree in business and his MBA there. He comes to Loyola after spending 25 years at Abbott Laboratories.
Erwin: Really? I have a friend who graduated from Loyola who currently works at Abbott Labs.
Loyola Chick: Oh really? What does she do?
Erwin: Umm, I don't know. I think she bends over and takes it up the ass all day.
*Few seconds of stunned silence*
Loyola Chick: Ummmm....O.......K.....Erwin, can you tell me what you're doing nowadays? Are you working?
Erwin: Yep, I work at a futures and options clearinghouse in downtown Chicago.
Loyola Chick: What do you do there?
Erwin: I bend over AND grab my ankles, and proceed to take it up the ass all day.
*Long silence*
Loyola Chick: O...K...Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a freshmen currently majoring in Communications...Can you tell me about your college experience while at Loyola?
Erwin: Do you like your questions being answered with questions?
Loyola Chick: What?
Erwin: Are you aware that a study was published when I attended Loyola that showed that Loyola students were ranked among the least happiest college students in the state of Illinois?
Loyola Chick: No
Erwin: That study was accurate
*Silence yet again*
Loyola Chick: Can you tell me why you chose Loyola's school of business?
Erwin: Business wasn't my first choice, but it was the quick and easy way out. Loyola made me realize that I was there for the degree, not the education.
*I had sensed the conversation was not going as well as she planned*
Loyola Chick: Can you tell me about any internship experiences you had while at Loyola?
Erwin: I interned at the place that evenutally became my first job out of school. It was quite a learning experience. That's where I began to take it up the ass.
*By this time, Loyola Chick had given up on me and went through the worst telemarketing sales spiel I think I have ever heard*
Loyola Chick: ...Would you like to agree to a small contribution of $150 to Loyola's School of Business Alumni Fund?...
Erwin: Are you also aware that another study was published that showed that Loyola students incurred the greatest amount of debt by the time they had graduated of all schools in the state of Illinois?
Loyola Chick: No
Erwin: That study was also accurate. Have a good night.

Yah, it's times like these that make me proud to be a Loyola alumnus

I'm Going to Hell

5:30 PM: Good time to close shop at work today so Erwin can make it to the Ash Wednesday service at his local church. Erwin notices that Karen is struggling through the end of day process so he asks if he can be of any assistance. Karen whines about how everytime she has plans, things at work never go smoothly. Erwin considers taking over and letting Karen leave work because she has plans. Frustrated Karen mentions that she was going to go to her church for Ash Wednesday...

Uh-oh. Sounds like we've got a WWJD dilemma. If Erwin leaves now, he makes it to church, but Karen doesn't and she burns eternally in hell until the next Ash Wednesday as a result. But if Erwin lets Karen go, she makes it to church and Erwin...makes it too, so the two earn church cookies *yummy*. So the answer is simple: "Karen, I gotta go, see you later."

Unfortunately for Karen, Erwin is not Jesus. Jesus always makes things look simple, I think it's those divine powers of His. Erwin is burning in hell for his actions as I speak, errr, type. And you thought he was just referring to himself in the third person.

While Erwin's burning eternally in hell, here's something to ponder about for just as long:

If cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?

Restaraunt Road Rules

Ahhh, a post that expands more on the Restaraunt Road Rules ("RRR"). Basically speaking, there are only two constants to RRR: a starting point (the place where everyone meets) and a destination point (a place that serves food). Other than those two, anything goes; in the car, RRR participants take turns making up rules (i.e. fast food or sit down? left or right side of the street? etc.). Just a few RRR observations:

1. When going towards O'Hare, you are almost guaranteed that Heavenly Bodies inadvertently becomes a realistic possibility.
2. When the rule, "Cannot eat at a restaraunt with a purple car in the parking lot" is in effect, finding a restaraunt without a purple car in the parking lot becomes difficult.
3. When the rule, "Must eat at the restaraunt closest to the sign that has 'tit'" is in effect, silence fills the car because everyone is looking for some tit.
4. Eating at a restaraunt that satisfies the above rule proves that the "perpetual rule" will be used one day. The Perpetual Rule - If you see a man wearing a yellow raincoat with his son, you must ask the man to have dinner at his home.

And after this past Saturday,

5. When Carl bitches about an area (Rush St.), expect to be in this area when RRR are is in effect that night.

Yah, after talking to Carl and hearing from him how last weekend on Rush St. sucked and that he didn't want to do that again, what are the chances that we end up in the same place again? With Carl's luck, pretty high. After deciding that Subway should not be considered a restaraunt through intelligent debate (rocks, paper, scissors), we decided on PJ Clarkes, which was a block down from where we were last week.

What normally would have taken 20 minutes to get to took almost 2 hours. I think we were pretty hungry. So it should come as no surprise that the question of the moment while taking a look at the menu was not what to eat, but rather, "When a bartender quits his/her job, does the restaraunt update the 'Bartender's Favorite Picks" section on their menu to reflect the new bartender's favorite picks?" Our server Caressa couldn't answer the question. And she turned into a ghost when she saw that we actually tried calling the bar on their work phone to get the answer:

Random Thoughts

Once upon a time, when the moon was still young, there was a blog site called Random Thoughts. Random Thoughts eventually evolved into the blog site you currently read today, Brain Droppings. And while the name has changed over time (and will undoubtedly change again eventually) the premise of the names remain the same: this web log is all about the many thoughts, ideas, and experiences that run through my head. What you read is but one of a trillion synapses that is most prevalent at the time of my post. The reason I mention this? While I know some of you are expecting a post of this weekend's activities, it's not going to happen...today. There's something more pressing I need to talk about...

Last Monday, I took my sister out for lunch. We don't talk to each other all that much, so I thought it was a good thing to grab a bite to eat and see how she was doing with life. She had recommended a Thai buffet, which was fine with me since I like love Thai food and was guaranteed to get a full stomach's worth of food. Getting there, I was a little apprehensive about the place since it seemed a bit hole-in-the-wall to me. But I wasn't worried, my sister had their food before. Then walking into the restaraunt I had questioned to myself why we were the only customers they had. But I wasn't worried, my sister had their food before. Then I wondered why there was a guy waiting for what seemed an eternity to get his Thai take-out. But I wasn't worried, their service couldn't be that bad; having eaten their meals before, my sister represents return business. Then I had sampled their Pad Thai noodles and basil chicken; good tasting all-you-can-eat Pad Thai, I was going to make this restaraunt sorry. My negative energies about the place disappeared...mostly...

The guy waiting for his take-out was still waiting and quite some time had passed (I had finished off two full plates of Pad Thai noodles). I could tell he was getting antsy. "How could service be this bad?" I thought. I asked this same question to my sister, whom I previously assumed had eaten at this establishment before, and her response: "I don't know, this is my first time here." All the worries I had of the place returned and some more worries popped up. I went over to our server, who seemed MIA for a long time and asked for more water. As she gave me the glasses, she pointed to the guy and whispered to me, "That guy, health inspector, surprise inspection."

By the way all the other workers were acting, I was under the impression that this surprise inspection wasn't going to go so well. I guzzled my glass of water hoping to dilute the food potentially made in unsanitary conditions. Our server saw this and came over to our table filling my glass with bad food dilutant again. She had told us that everything was fine and to get more food. I had never been so scared to get another plate of buffet food in my life. Even more intimidating was the health inspector testing the buffet area as I got my third plate of food.

Needless to say, my sister and I got out of there in a hurry. We might have even gotten out of there just in time. If my sister and I waited a few minutes later, we might have been trapped in the restaraunt forever, the doors locked by huge orange stickers that say "Restaraunt close due to unsanitary conditions by order of health inspector." I wonder if that place on Touhy and California is still open. Oh well, it's not like I'll be going there ever again.

The moral of the story - Don't eat food at restaraunts recommended by starving college students. They'll eat anything.

To make certain people happy, here's a prelude to a post about this weekend:



(Eric, Caressa, Me and Carl at PJ Clarkes - Restaraunt Road Rules Destination Point)

Homework

No time for a decent post today, working on my boss' performance review. I love the whole idea of 360 degree performance feedback. Doesn't HR know they're setting up a situation very similar to that one Simpsons episode where the Simpsons go for group shock therapy and end up beating the crap out of each other? Wait a minute, there is a method to their madness; by kicking the shiznitt out of everyone else we weed out the weak and hopeless (i.e. twit genocide). And since there's nothing more fun than brutalizing the fucktards of the world, we achieve a more fun and vibrant workplace, which is a companywide objective.

Still, this review is taking a lot longer to do than I thought. Since this is my boss' review and she will ultimately end up seeing what I write, I have to be really prim and proper with my words. Here are a few examples of what I have so far:

"Laura's ability to think “out of the box” gives those who are heavily involved with day-to-day operations alternative points of view when dealing with issues."

Translation: Like hel-lo? My name is Laura and I'm like, your arm chair quarterback and backseat driver rolled up into one or something. Cha, that was like so easy. Duh...


"There have been instances where there was lack of guidance because Laura was not as familiar with certain work processes."

Translation: Laura knows crap about what anyone else does. Take me for example:

Laura: Erwin, what are your primary responsibilities?
Erwin: FNX in the morning and open issues in the afternoon.
Laura: Just those two?
Erwin: Mmm Hmm
Laura: *pauses*That's it?
Erwin: Yup
Laura: O....K....

"Laura’s teamwork skills are good; Laura always looks to involve appropriate individuals when encountering issues she cannot resolve on her own."

Translation: Laura is really good at leaving her work for someone else to do. Especially on Fridays. Because she's doesn't work Fridays.


"Laura needs to be more proactive within the department . As head of operations, Laura needs to take more ownership and accountability."

Translation: Laura needs to actually do work during her 4-day work week instead of planning her next weekend vacation (she has every Friday, Saturday and Sunday off). And being proactive does not mean making more personal calls to "pookie," her latchkey child, and "noodle," her husband.


"Laura does let those within the department know that she is always approachable and makes an effort to let them feel open and comfortable when discussing issues."

Translation: Actually, same response as the first translation. Duh!


"It is OK to share my comments with Laura"

Translation: Yeeah, beeotch, you're going to take my comments and you're going to like it dammit. If you had even a single brain cell, you'd realize that I'm insulting you, but since you are the epitome of twitdom, you're just going to sit there, smile and giggle.

Oh well, gotta get back to work. All work and no play for me. Here, play with monkeys in my absence (Requires Macromedia Flash).