Entirely Erwin

Damn Aliums

Ummm, I think I was abducted by aliums over the weekend. After pulling the book, "Where'd That Anal Probe Come From? How to Tell If You've Been Abducted by Aliums" from my reference library, I found an abduction case called an X-File; these "X-Files" later on apparently became the basis for a TV show that was quite popular in the late '90's with the same name (Yes, the X-Files are true stories, everyone of them).

Reading through this one X-File that occured one cool fall season years ago, I found that there are striking similarities between Dana Scully's alium abduction and my potential alium abduction over the weekend:

Scully: Light-headedness, nausea, unexpected nose bleeds, pregnancy

Me: Light-headeness, nausea, unexpected nose bleeds, pregna... an ever-growing beer gut that looks a lot like a pregnant belly

What's more, Scully had two lumps on the back of her neck...I have two scabs on the knuckles of my index and middle finger on my right hand. I tell people that I got the scabs wall climbing, but is that what really happened or is that just what the aliums programmed me to say???

As for the anal probe, even if the aliums shoved it up my ass dry without putting me under anesthesia or being kind enough to use some lube, I still wouldn't have felt it. The 10-foot wide chasm that was once my asshole was carved out of the ass reaming I'm currently getting at work.
The Truth Is Out There, FUCKTARD
Oh by the way...there is a secret message hidden somewhere in this post. Cookies for you if you find it...