Next Year's Halloween Costume

For various non-Jehovah's Witness-type reasons, I think Halloween is my least favorite holiday. I've always wondered what the point was of dressing up for candy when there always seems to be a group of trick or treaters that goes door to door with one kid that doesn't even bother to dress up. While the other kids are dressed up looking adorable in their costumes, when the kid who's decked out in jeans and a plain t-shirt opens his bag and says "Trick or Treat," the sorry get-a-life loser who gets stuck passing out the candy while his friends are out at some Halloween party mingling with hot girls dressed up as hoes who really are skanks but are pretending to be sluts must be thinking one of two things:

1. "A plain-clothed kid. Must be a serial killer."
2. "I wonder how many Snickers bars it would take to get me a hoe, a skank or a slut at that party. I've got 10."

Either way, I bet that plain-clothed kid ends up with more candy at the end of the night.

That being said, I suggest that the new hot costume for next Halloween be an iPod. Not just any iPod, however. Choose whichever version and whatever color your heart desires. Except there is one catch - you have to look like an iPod with the sad face and exclamation point that you get when you turn on one that's fucked beyond repair:



How does one achieve this look? Interesting question because I'm not sure since everywhere I've gone doesn't really give a cause and the solution always seems to be "Apple fucked you for $250 (that's beyond ho, skank or slut status since that costs a lot of Snickers) and you like it and we know you like it because you love that iPod so much we bet you're going to go out and buy another one which was made even more poorly than the one you bought which means we'll see you again and again and again."

So I guess to acheive the look, I guess all you need to do is punch your friend who is dressed up as an iPod (the 4G 20GB one is my personal favorite) where the clickwheel is, which just happens to be strategically positioned over your belly. It'll be cute.

No, not really. I'd rather be a plain-clothed serial killer.