Booger

After a week of waking up in the morning with a bloody nose, I’ve come to the realization that I need a humidifier in my bedroom. Here’s my deductive reasoning:

-I’m too accident prone to keep a blade somewhere near my bed just in case I want to snort up any white powder I don’t have in my sleep.

-My fingers are free of blood which means that in my sleep I wasn’t thinking of inserting (two finger quotes) an appendage into (two finger quotes) a small orifice and proceeding to (two finger quotes) rip it apart...which in turn means that I wasn’t picking my nose you sick, sick perverts! Seriously, besides Carl, whose freaking penis fits inside someone’s nostril?

-As a result of the warm, dry air generated by my heater, my nasal membranes must be drying out and cracking.

I hate to admit it, but the dry (no pun intended) and boring answer is the most logical one.

If I needed another reason to purchase a humidifier, I got one today. I was in a meeting going over some paperwork when the person I was meeting with slid a sheet of paper in front me. As my attention shifted from the person to the sheet of paper, I effortlessly breathed out a nice noticeable crusty crimson red booger that had a little piece of nose hair in it.

If this meeting were between Batman and Robin, Robin would have said, “Holy hairy bloody booger, Batman!”

To make matters worse, when the nose crusty rocketed out, it just didn’t hit the table and stay there; the thing skipped like a rock hitting water onto the sheet of paper which both of us was now staring at. And even worse than that, the booger was on her half of the table, and since we were going over this sheet together, I couldn’t just grab the sheet to wipe the booger off.

So the colorful textured booger stayed on the plain white sheet of paper for the rest of the meeting.

...Rack up another awkward Erwin moment provided by yours truly.