Moving On - A Professional Template for Goodbye

My official farewell at work:

In my first CIS townhall meeting a little over two and a half years ago,
an employee was recognized for his length of service to the
organization. When asked to comment about his tenure, he summed it up
with the following:

"If you can dream it, you can do it and there's no better place to do it
than at CIS, and there's no better time than now."

Since that time, there hasn't been a day that's gone by when I haven't
lived by these words at work. CIS has given me opportunities that I
probably would not have received had I worked elsewhere, and for that I
am very grateful. All I ever wanted to do was make a positive
difference; by getting the chance to work with many of you, I personally
feel like I have accomplished this and so much more.

For some, as I write to let you know that today is my last day working
with you, this isn't so much "goodbye" as it is "see you later." Never
have I been in a working environment that is so tight-knit on both a
professional and personal level, and I have no doubts that I will run
into some of you again somewhere, sometime.

I wish you all the best and thank you for making CIS truly the place to
be.

Sincerely yours,
Erwin

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

Do You Su Doku?

Harry Potter. The iPod. And now...Su Doku?

This logic number puzzle is the latest thing to hit people who feel they have a few brain cells worth sacrificing in order to pass time on the train to or from work. The goal: to fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. Give it a shot:

Anal Metaphors

As the takeover of my company gets closer and closer to becoming official, I feel comforted knowing that I am no longer the only one bending over and taking it up the ass. Some people are actually taking it harder than I am, getting the big black bitch splitter without the KY, which seems like a pretty painful combo. All of us are getting screwed in the end.

And once all is said and done next week, many of the looser assholes will be thrown to the side, while the ones that still have some tightness in them will continue to act as butt bitches for the company that bought us out. For me, I've been given a career opportunity where I'd start out as just another asshole but eventually become the dick that fucks an asshole.

I digress, all this talk kinda reminds me of this notable Team America quote:

"Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"

The quote is so true. Our goods are getting plundered in this raping and pillaging, and the men are starting to share their decreasing masculine tidbits. For example, in a meeting to go over our new benefits, my male colleagues were discussing how their gynecologists weren't part of the new health plan.

Please let the suffering end.

San Juan Islands

For more pics, check out my album on the right.

Mount Rainier National Park

For more pics, check out my album on the right.

Finally...Erwin Has (or Will) Come Back To...

The Showcase of the Immortals. Where it all begins...again...

And it's official...I'm going to WrestleMania XXII...sitting RINGSIDE...Hope to see you there!

Optical Illusions

Are the black diamonds on the top or the bottom of each step?



Are the lines in this image parallel to each other? Are they straight?



What image do you see in the picture below? Do you see the woman and horn player?



How many legs does this elephant have?



I was in a cab with friends on the way to breakfast after a long night of gambling and hardly any sleep in Las Vegas when I saw a car with this license plate zoom by. By the time I did a double and triple take, it was too late for me to snap a shot (thanks, Photoshop!). What does this say?



I know California has the Golden Gate Bridge, but geez, they really do take pride in their golden showers.

Return to Sin City

Has your airplane flight ever been delayed because one of your pilots was missing? After a lengthy delay, finally I've returned...along with my closest friends.

At the Beach

Black Thursday

Fuck work and fuck the company I work for...

Over two years without calling in sick. Covering the functions of those people who did call in. Coming into work early. Leaving work late. The only one in the area who really understood both the technical and the business side of the things that are done...

And still that wasn't enough of an impact to earn a bonus.

I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't for the fact that 45% of the entire workforce got one. The number's pretty significant because at a time when our company's sale is close to being official, a lot of people are going to lose their jobs...and since I fall in the approximate bottom half of the bonus pool, I'm taking that to mean the probability of me sticking around is a lot lower than those who earned a bonus.

It's not about the money - I'm one who believes that if you work your ass off, you should be rewarded for it. This obviously wasn't the case. Instead, you were rewarded if the person making the bonus decision knew who you were (or in corporate speak, "made an impact"). I apologize for going above and beyond what was asked of me as mentioned in my glowing review (which to management means nothing to them). Just goes to show it's not a matter of what you've done, but who you know...

With all the crap that's gone on since I've been where I'm at, I've been the calm force that's kept quiet and done my work. I've never bitched, moaned or complained...ever. I've dreaded working where I am before, but not to this extent, not like this. I'm heartbroken and bitter, and when you start feeling that much despair and hatred, it's time to move on because it's not worth it anymore - there is no more hope.

Country Music Is Better Than...

While going to this year's Summerfest in Milwaukee, I discovered that going to a country music concert (saw Tim McGraw and Keith Urban) is a lot less painful than at least three things:

1) Listening to a band that cov-errrrrrrrrs songs of the Beatles AND Metallica with theirrrrrrrrrr lead sing-errrrrrrrr giving the worrrrrrrrrrrrst Larrrrrrrrrrrs impression (yes, he really talked and sang like that)

2) Going through a Gillette Venus vibrating razor promo truck booth with the Chosen One for a free razor, only to find out that after watching teeny bopper girls strike a pose and learning about how to use the razor on a really big razor display, they weren't giving out razors at all.

3) Spending over an hour getting out of Milwaukee because Wisconsin cheeseheads and country music yodels can't drive for shit. Are all people who live in a state that starts with "W" crappy drivers?

Starved Rock Pics

Just Another Victim of Corporate America

Shocked. Worried. Hurt. Mad. And any other feelings that you can think of that are far from nice and peachy.

Why?

All because of this piece of news.

The announcement's pretty big since I happen to work for the company that is being "acquired"...

...I have to digress and utilize the crappy college education I obtained and state simple logic statements of fact (less the logic symbols because, figuring I'd never apply them to anything again, I kinda forgot them):

People have feelings.
People are affected by decisions made by a corporation.
People make up a corporation.
If people did not exist,
Then corporations would not exist.
Corporations do not have feelings
Therefore,
When making announcements regarding the potential non-existence of a currently existing corporation,
The announcement will affect people's feelings,
And will not affect the corporation.

I find that in corporate America, this is not the case. Not when you use a word like
"acquired" to signify being taken over or bought out. Or take this actual scenario that speaks of hiring freezes, layoffs and getting fired:

"Due to unforseen circumstances, the decision to grow our staff has been challenged. Because of this hiring challenge, our next step is to analyze our current situation for unnecessary work process inefficiencies. Unfortunately as a result of our findings, there will most likely be some redundancies. Oh and by the way, your manager is on personal leave of absence for some period of time." - The corporation

All these inanimate words and phrases - who is Corporate America trying to kid? Where is the moral integrity? Whatever happened to straightforward open and honest communication? I guess it doesn't exist in corporate America...

So yeah, this announcement sucks. Serious questions that we thought we would never have to ask like, "What's going to happen to the company X-Box?" need answers.

Yet Another Washington Pic...or Two

Geez, it's like I can't get enough of this place. A couple glimpses of the Columbia River:

You Got It All Wrong

Michael Jackson's lawyer said that the pop star is going to be more careful and not let children into his bed because "it makes him vulnerable to false charges." Was Jackson's lawyer on Jesus juice? Michael Jackson shouldn't let children into his bed because...IT'S FUCKING WRONG!!! Kids run to their parents' bed when they can't sleep because they're afraid of something - thunder, the boogie man, purple skittles...

They go to their parents because there's a sense of comfort and security. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night with this lying right next to you and staring, drooling and horny:




Do you see the comfort and security there? I don't.

Mmmm, Human

The Body Worlds exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry is pretty interesting. On display are actual human corpses in poses, all of which are stripped down to literally nothing but their insides. Having been up close to some autopsies in my pre-med days, I really didn't find the exhibit freaky. What I felt disturbing, however, was the thought of how certain parts of the human body on display at the exhibit closely resembled the great dinner some friends and I had at Sal and Carvao the night before. Mouth watering filet mignon, lamb shank and sirloin just didn't sound so mouth watering when mentally comparing them to chest, arm and back muscles of the human bodies displayed right before me in the museum exhibit.

Kinda makes me wonder what the soccer team whose airplance crashed in the Andes back in the 1970s were thinking when they ate their fellow passengers that did not survive the crash - "Mmmm, I've got a taste for bacon, may I have some of that ass please?"

Santy's Birthday Pics

Taken at Sal and Carvao:







Taken at Navy Pier in the Ferris Wheel

Caption This!

Posted by Hello

My First Race

Dear Sciatic Nerve,

In a figurative way, you are an asshole. Nice attempt to get me to quit running the race. Too bad I finished, and I finished running strong. Eat shit and die mothafucka.

Have a nice day,
Erwin


Posted by Hello

At the Dentist's

I guess when you're in a relationship, the ability to use selective listening when discussing a specific topic slowly but surely disappears after awhile. It's kinda like when you were 8 years old playing Super Mario Bros. on your old school Nintendo and using the star for invincibility; nothing phases you when you first get it, but as time passes you're invincibility eventually wears away...

...I digress...Mario was a stud back in his day. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra - all these <2 finger quotes> "men's health" drug commercials in today's everyday television programming have some kind of disclaimer that says that you should see a doctor if you have an erection that lasts more than 4 hours. What the hell is a doctor going to do to take care of your erection? Chop it off? Mario, on the other hand, knew exactly where to go. He couldn't possibly have broken all those bricks without sustaining a headache or concussion unless his head was hard. And what was the point of jumping over fiery pits with his hard head? To get to the Princess, duh, because he would definitely be rewarded. Doesn't it all make sense now?...

OK, back to the topic...so after hearing from the Chosen One many times about going to the dentist, I finally gave in. After over 5+ years of being away, I was finally sitting once again in the dentist's chair under his bright interrogative lights. The ordeal wasn't too bad, except that I found it kinda disturbing that the moment he started cleaning my teeth, the song Vogue came on the radio. I'm not sure why, but I was expecting him to tell me that they voted that song as the National Association of Dentist's (NAD) theme song and that he needed to vogue to the dentist gods for a good teeth cleansing.