Entirely Erwin

The Great Chicago Fire of December 6, 2004

So how 'bout that fire in the middle of Chicago's financial district? I didn't find out about it until a concerned Chosen One's father called to ask if I was safe. Interesting how someone over 1,700 miles away knew about what was going on, when I, being less than 17 miles away, did not. As usual, Erwin is the last to know, and in this case, the last to know the 4-1-1 on the 9-1-1 in the 3-1-2 at the 1-3-5 where there was a major 5-11 at 6-30 on 12-6...

And now some observations surrounding the event:

1. Fire starts with an "F" and so does Female. And like a female, it will do anything for attention, i.e. preventing men from watching any sport on TV. So when Monday Night Football was interrupted for what seemed like the entire game for fire coverage, all I could think of was another word that started with "F": FUCK!

2. When I get my own place, a fireplace will need to be a must. The 3 hours I spent watching the fire was more entertaining than anything I had seen on TV in a really long time. Now if only I could have gotten marshmallows to roast by simply waving them in front of the TV, I'd be set.

3. I really have to wonder how many takes reporters have to do for their taped news pieces to be deemed good enough to air on TV. They must cringe when they have to do live breaking news stories because they show to the world how really air-headed they are. There should have only been one station that should have been allowed to do the live reporting coverage. All the other stations could have just shown the live footage of the fire with "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" playing in the background.

4. Tourists are not people. They are obstacles in the path to reaching point B from point A. Since we do not consider these things to be people, we should have the right to push them into the middle of oncoming traffic when they walk slow, stop or make an effort to stare at the building with a black smoke band around it. Hell, we should push these people things into oncoming traffic anyways because it's our duty as law-abiding citizens. What law says we should push stupid ass clowns into the middle of the street for the sake of humanity you ask? It's called Survival of the Fittest.