8 Simple Rules for Driving in Chicago

1. When approaching intersections, continue to drive at least 5 seconds past the change of light color to red -- otherwise the driver behind you might go through your bumper.

2. When trying to turn left, move well into the intersection, and after the light has turned red wait for the 10 approaching cars to clear the intersection and then turn while you block the movement of cross traffic. No one expects to start on green in Chicago.

3. If the car in front of you is going to turn after the red light has changed, you can turn as well, just stay within 12 inches of their bumper to make this legal.

4. Drive with one hand on the horn, just in case, and the other holding a cell phone to your ear.

5. If there are pedestrians or tourists in the crosswalk preventing the car in front of you from making a turn, honk your horn as loudly as you can and encourage all other drivers to do the same, as this will make the stress of running down pedestrians less than the stress of being the object of so much sound fury.

6. Always honk at tourists in the crosswalk as there are only 7 million of them per year, and this is our city, so they should spend their money and get out of the way.

7. If you see a traffic cop in a police car, take a photo, as such occurrences are about as rare as finding a spotted owl in Chicago.

8. If you need to change lanes, the best way is to push toward the sides of luxury cars that will give way rather than take a chance on being scratched.

MS-Paint: Bringing People Together

It's the day after Christmas and instead of joining the millions (and millions) of people wasting precious moments of their lives in line returning gifts they can't recycle for next year's white elephant grab bag, I'm stuck at work also wasting my life away. All I can do is reminisce and thank the few people who kept me company a few days prior on Christmas Eve. Let me tell ya, Microsoft's products aren't totally evil. If it wasn't for Microsoft Paint, I would never have been able to visualize what Becky looks like...and also show people what I do all day. See?

Daily...of the Day: I'm so brain-dead right now, I can't think of one. Read what Odd Todd learned on TV

Happy December 25th (To Everyone Else)

No matter what your beliefs are, happy holidays to all! My day was pretty uneventful, but I guess the reason why I'm posting is to let everyone know of a life lesson I learned:

Daily Life Lesson of the Day: If you're thinking of hooking up with someone, don't do it on a holiday, especially one of your favorite holidays. Because if (when) things go sour, that holiday will serve as a reminder that you did a dumbass thing on that holiday.

Yah, so I was wishing friends a Merry Christmas when an ex called. Today would have marked our 5th year together if we were still together. Two years ago, we were talking marriage; today, we barely knew each other. Really, really awkward conversation...

Anyways, here's what people gave me as gifts so far:

-A Gift Card from the GAP
-A GAP V-Neck Sweater
-A glass chess board that uses shot glasses for chess pieces
-Kick-ass brownies from Stacey (they kick ass!)

Thank you!

A New Hobby

I started and finished my Christmas shopping this morning. It wasn't as stressful as it could have been; I didn't have to fight through as big a crowd as I expected. I came across a store that sold, among other things, weaponry. Probably because I was good with my holiday shopping, an intense urge to purchase something for myself came upon me. So I bought this. Not quite sure, but I think my "Silent but Violent" persona came out there. And now I'm stuck with a ninja star that I won't use. I guess I'm going to have to buy a sword or something so that the star doesn't stick out. The beginning of a new hobby...

Daily Quote of the Day: "Certain chance of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?" - Gimli, LOTR:ROTK

A Work Rant

I knew this week was going to be a really, really bad work week. It's kinda like the early cramps that a woman gets before she starts to rag. But I had no idea how bad the last two days could possibly be. The worst thing was I had no one to go to or fall back on to help me out. It was just me, and all me, trying to resolve issues and get things completed before strict time-sensitive deadlines pass. I understand that I might be the most knowledgeable person about a certain process or two. But please, when I need someone to lend a hand, step up and take some initiative...

Coming straight out of school (or for Carl, cumming directly out of school...oooohh!), I worked for a very prestigious investment bank for an asshole boss. But although he was an asshole, I was able to pick up on three big things that I could apply to people in general:

1. People lack accountability
2. People lack organization
3. People lack tenacity

Since I've worked for Mr. Asshole, I don't think I've met a single person who's disproven these generalizations. It kills me that people bitch and moan they aren't recognized for their accomplishments, when they don't even want to associate themselve with the mistakes they've made. It kills me that in a profession that requires you to be flexible and adaptable, many can't hang simply because they weren't prepared enough. It kills me that people are more than willing to accept the status quo when there are tons of opportunities to not only take the ball, but run with it.

And it kills me that I'm only 24-years old and I'm the one telling 30 and 40-year olds to open their eyes. At my age in this industry, I'm still considered a kid. All this stuff should be way over my head. So why the hell am I the one running the friggin show???

Winter Holiday Blues

It's hard for me to admit this, but I am burning out. Work has beaten me down and worn me out to the point that this cold that I've had for close to three weeks is nowhere near going away. It's not helping any, however, that with the holidays arriving very shortly I am starting to become down at the realization that I will be experiencing the holidays pretty much alone. It's been over 5 years since I celebrated Christmas and/or New Year's without a special someone in my life. And it's not about just being with somebody just to have someone....

(WARNING: Erwin showing his affectionate side)

The fact that I was in love with someone who was in love with me back is to me the greatest gift one could ever give/receive (love is reciprocal) no matter what time of the year. Holding someone in your arms and looking into her eyes, saying the words "I love you", feeling the warm feelings she's feeling as she absorbs the meaning of those three words, and then hearing her repeat those words back as she gazes into my eyes...With all the couples I see that are out there, very few ever get the chance to experience that feeling of not only being loved but also being in love...and since I have been given the opportunity to experience that feeling, it truly is a gift...

(END Erwin affectionate moment)

Yah, so it sucks be lonely during the holiday season. Folks, you've just witnessed the Daily Gay Moment of the Day

And the Morning After...

Uhhh, me sooo tired. Open bars can be sooooo good, but they can also be soooooooooo not good. Oh well, came home from work and laid down. A few minutes later I get a call from Stacey:

Erwin: Hello?
Stacey: Hey, look outside your window!
Erwin: What?

Apparently, Stacey has taken a page out of Carl's book of getting a hold of me, skipping over steps 1 and 2 and moving directly on to the more evasive step 3:

When steps 1 and 2 don't work, drive over to Erwin's place, park in his driveway and announce that you are in his driveway.

It worked. Stacey, Jen, Jon and I went here. We ate, then I went home and back to bed...

Daily Rule of the Day: (The Stacey Exception): If Steps 1 and 2 are skipped, executing Step 3 better be for a damn good reason... like satisfying the rumble in my belly

My 1st (True) Company Holiday Party

So yeah, our company holiday party was today. I don't really have anything to compare it to since the holiday parties of past years were really nothing but catered food held in the back of a retail store. I guess I could say that the party was way nice since it was held at the Palmer House in downtown Chicago, the food kicked ass and there were 6 open bar areas (need I say more?). The band they had sucked, but that doesnt matter when you're watching buzzed female professionals on the dance floor. Really though, if I had to describe my 1st holiday party experience, it would probably be summarized as an "extended happy hour," except everyone's invited (happy hours are by exclusive invite only at CIS), and we got to see what some of our fellow co-workers' spouses look like...and we got to call our boss a bitch to her drunk face!!!

Leave It To the Pros

Living in a big city like Chicago, it's hard not to have a cynical outlook on life. Even though I know a long day of work is ahead of me, I wake up with a cheery attitude. But then as I'm getting ready for work I turn on the news (because I'm too cheap to spend $0.35 on a newspaper) to give me conversation starters for the day and what's the first thing I see? 2 Indiana kids found in plastic bags in some freak's basement buried under cement. To my horror though, that wasn't the worst piece of Tuesday morning news...

Monday was a slow sports day (everyday's been a slow sports day ever since the Bulls won their last championship moons ago) so the news decided to do a small piece on an event sponsored by the Chicago Cubs letting a bunch of people become general managers for the Major League's baseball teams. Sounds cool right? A chance for the typical armchair quarterback, err, manager to show off his or her decision-making skills to create a winning baseball team.

Uhhh, riiiight. The guy doing the news piece interviewed a bunch of people if their strategies involved acquiring specific players. The people he interviewed didn't know who these players were. So these armchair know-it-alls didn't know who these players were, that's OK (not really, the players mentioned were big-names). What wasn't OK was that the people interviewed were lispy and seemed totally flaming. OMG - a sports version of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I may be armchairing the armchairs, but these guys didn't have a clue nor did they really have any care of managing their teams. They were more interested in the players (and possible players) of their team in a non-sports "hey i wanna get to know you, let's take a shower together" sort of way.

And all my cynical self could mumble was, "Figures, baseball was a gay sport anyways. Time to get to work"

And on that note, the

Daily Cynical Song of the Day: Fuck Y'all - DMX

Wasabi!

Changing things up a bit...

Super Stacey's Daily Fact of the Day: Wasabi has anti-microbial agents that fight and prevent plaque-buildup

Had my first sushi experience tonight at a restaraunt called Chi Tung in Evergreen Park. Along with the first sushi experience (which was very positive), I had my first personal wasabi experience as well. It's some pretty sinus-clearing stuff. And as Stacey's fact mentioned, it has some dental benefits as well. How about creating some teeth-whitening strips infused with some wasabi? They'll make your teeth brighter, fight plaque, AND free congested nasal passages. What do you think? Anyone want to test the new tooth strips out? Or how about wasabi-flavored ice cream? Fear not the brain freeze. The wasabi-induced brain melt is much, much more lethal. New form of capital punishment?

A Twisted Concert

Ummm, The Daily Rant of the Day:

I'm gettin old. I hear the crackling in my knees and I feel the aching in my back. My memory is going too (can't blame that on old age, it's because of that evil school and its dymensia). A few days ago I got tickets for a radio station's holiday show. The show's lineup wasn't too bad - AFI, Dashboard Confessional, 311, Korn, and Jane's Addiction. Walking in to the place though, I couldn't help but feeling a bit out of place. My eyes naturally scanned for the alcohol stand, but the lines for alcohol were non-existant, which was all too wierd for me (an alcohol-free show on a weekend? wtf??). Why? The majority of the crowd was between 12 and 20. True there were older people there, but that was because their kids needed rides to the place and the parents were either A) trying to prove that they could get jiggy with their kid's time (very sad) or B) they were dragged into going against their will (even sadder).

AFI was the show opener. A lot of shouting and hair-flopping. Not much music involved. A real-life South Park version of Tim-may would've kept me more entertained. AFI finished their set and the grade school/high school kiddies loved'em. Dashboard came out next. I thought they were pretty good. The times I could make out the lyrics (barn acoustics suck), Dashboard showed that they actually had substance to their music. They were better than I thought, but the guys sitting a row behind us, and what seemed like the general consensus was that DC sucked. What? Huh? These guys actually sung and they suck? Let me borrow Stacey's hair, gimme a few drinks, an evil twitch, take me back to last Sunday and I could still do a better job than what AFI did...

But that's me. And if I asked people around my age, they'd better probably agree with me. Which brings me to my point (yes, there is a Brothers Grimm not-a-moral reason to this post). Maybe it really is me or "us" though. The stuff that defines the meaning of music (there exists only good music, shit music is a redundant term) for me is based on what I have listened to growing up. And what I listened to growing up is way different from what's on the radio now. Which is really sad, because kids today are deprived; they couldn't tell the difference between music and shit with all the shit that's on the radio. From an old-timer to all you newbies out there: they don't make music nowadays like they used to.

Restaraunt Review

Working in downtown Chicago for a pretty good company (I really can't give it a more specific description, but it is totally legit, promise) isn't so bad. It even has perks when you're considered an important piece of their business thingamajiggy. One of the companies we have a relationship with took a few of us out for dinner at this restaraunt called Spago.

The atmosphere of the place seemed really laid back but lively. The design of the place was nice too; it had a classy feel with contemporary ceilings. If you aren't going to order wine (extensive wine list), you won't be happy with the choice of drink selections at the bar. A friend of mine wanted a strawberry daiquiri and was turned down because they don't make daiquiries there (oooh, like it's not classy enough to meet their standards or something).

For appetizers, we ordered a chicken pizza and some calamari (they used descriptive words to fluff up the two, but to keep it simple, pizza and calamari). The pizza to me was nothing to rave about. I liked the calamari, but I am a fan so I'm a bit biased on that one. Someone else ordered steak tartar. I've never heard of it before. When it came out it look like dog food taken out of a can. And then I found out it was raw meat. Figures, a dog ordering dog food (yes, there are people at work I'm not too thrilled about).

I also ordered a bowl of butternut squash soup. I'm also a fan of butternut squash. My sister made this soup for Thanksgiving. Spago's wasn't as thick as hers, but I think it was just as good. So, Lorabel, good job on the soup, you can work at Spago, if your drama/GAP career doesn't work out =)

For my main course I ordered a steak with mashed potatoes and vegetables. I almost didn't want to eat it because it looked pretty. I can't turn down a steak though, and the sauce they put on it (no clue what it is) was really good.

For dessert, I ordered a strawberry shortcake. It was really big and by the time dessert came, I was way full. I ended up splitting the dessert with several people at the table. It was really good.

The service was muy excellente. They had servers watching over the table making sure that we were fully taken care of. The chef even gave us complimentary cups of soup before the appetizers arrived.

Overall, dinner was pretty good. However, one great thing about Chicago is that there are a ton of restaraunts to check out. We could have probably gone to a restaraunt with the same level of service and food quality for a less expensive price. Oh well, it's good corporate cards exist because if I had to take the $700 bill, I'd probably have a heart attack.

15 Seconds of Fame

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I perceive my life as boring. I have ideas on how to spice it up and make it more interesting. I've even actually followed through on most of those ideas. I just think its one of those things where if you do interesting things constantly, then it all becomes a routine, turning what was once interesting into something montonous (i.e. boring) <----I don't know if it makes sense to you all, but it does to me in my messed up head.

In an attempt to do something out of the ordinary, I took part in a Q101 forum held at their radio station. It was pretty kewl. We got to talk about music and stuff. The forum moderator was this 40-50 year old guy from Detroit who never listened to the station before. Let me tell ya, the guy was totally lost (I think the research guys in the other room who were watching us through a hidden camera were also confused) when we were on the subject of Mancow's Morning Madhouse, Turd, Drunk Girl Friday and Fact or Shiznit?

After the forum, this chick (it seems like they only hire cute girls there) gave us a tour of the station. It's smaller than I had thought. There really is a Lava Lamp Love Lounge and Al Roker Jr. is really the "resident black guy" because he has his own office. The studio is pretty big, it's got a computer for the DJ to check listener e-mails, and 3 TVs that are set to one sports channel and 2 other shows.

Then the big moment. We got a chance to meet Fook while he was on the air doing his radio show. And he introduced us on the radio. So if you were listening around 7:30-ish at night and you heard a bunch of guys being excited about their free Schick Quattro 4 razors that they just got, chances are you probably heard me. And folks, that was my 15 seconds of radio glory.

Quote of the Day: From Super Stacey: "I think the reason that murder is illegal and immoral has something to do with the fact that 98% of the population deserve to be killed just for being so effing stupid!"

Before I actually post something worth noting, I want to make a few quick observations on "stuff":

1. There are people out there who actually check my blog out...and on a regular basis too
2. About the people who read my blog - they read it on their own free will, not because I throw out cheap plugs and spam like crazy
3. The whole comments feature and live chat side bar on the blog are totally useless because everyone seems to like shooting me e-mails rather than trying to start up a mini-forum
4. People actually like my creative writing style (i.e. errr, poems "flows"). They like it, they really like it.

OK, moving on with life (yes, there is more meaning to this statement than it seems):

Erwin's Christmas Wish List

Thanks, Jen, for the suggestion; if Odd Todd can get people to send him money because he's unemployed and lives off his website (literally), why can't I get people to persuade me that there really is a Santa by having them send me gifts?


1. Peace on Earth - must be achieved by peaceful means, good luck!
2. My two front teeth - hey, why are you trying to stick those pliers in my mouth?
3. End to world hunger - and moralizing cannibalism doesn't count

4. Damian's baby - uhhh, Stacey's using her vulcan mind powers to take over my #4 wish
5. Paul Walker 's baby - what? Super Stacey's vulcan powers and Jelly Bean Jen's rainbow brite laser rays are overwhelming

I'll really believe in Santa if you can drop those down the chimney (except the last two, please hand deliver them to Stacey and Jen). If you can't deliver on my top 5, that's OK; I'll understand that Santa only comes to my place to mooch off of my milk and cookies and get in my bed to sleep with me. Awww krap, my Michael Jackson Santa fantasy just came out.

I'll settle for these though:

1. DVD's - please consult with me in an inconspicuous way before attempting to get me a movie; if i get puppet porn again I am going to scream!
2. Sony Net MD case - comes in handy when I'm at the gym
3. Bootie socks - I like showing off my ankles, don't ask me why
4. A professional looking belt - I need a belt that I can proudly wear to work. Please no belts with huge belt buckles that say Texas or Mexico on it either. I'm a size 32, 34, 36, grrr 38
5. A new bottle of cologne - the sad thing is I don't use mine often and they are mysteriously evaporating. For those people who think I'm actually worth the money, I currently have the following - Hugo Boss, Curve for Men, Polo Sport and Chrome. Feel free to get me something different if you don't like those and thanks for being a friend and telling me I reek.

Song I'm Listening to Right Now: I Hate Everything About You, Three Days Grace - just going along with the bitter mood this week