Camera!

Karma’s a bitch. Case in point:

After a night of Super Bowl celebrating three years ago, a drunken Carl tripped over himself on the way back to the car. Clumsy Carl…

Bar hopping on President’s Day two years ago, Eric lost his balance and also tripped over himself. Silly Eric…

Last year was supposed to be my turn to trip and fall, but nothing happened. For some reason, I was spared. Or was I?

Karma’s a bitch. And Karma will eventually make you its bitch. And Karma will call you Susie in the process of bitchification (I digress…Or is it bitchisynthesis? No, bitchisynthesis is the onset of menstruation when women go from plain crazy to psycho nuts).

What goes around does indeed come around, and if it doesn’t come right away, be afraid…be very afraid…because all The Powers That Be are doing is stroking themselves a few more times for an even greater money shot between the eyes, your eyes, all for the sake of some divine shits and giggles at your expense.

Karma’s a bitch. Trust me. I now know.

It’s the morning of Super Bowl Sunday, and Carl, Eric and I go fishing. Even though the sun’s out, it’s still February and it’s freaking cold. The river where we are to go fishing is higher than normal, and because of that, we get from one side of land to the other by crossing on a fallen tree trunk.

This is not where I fall. One Power That Be must have told another Power That Be to stroke slower for the time being…

We all cross safely, and a few yards up ahead, Carl says to head to higher ground because the muddy river bank is too slippery to walk through. But in my case, his advice was too little, too late.

Karma’s a bitch. And here comes the money shot…

Kerplunk.



Like the giant turd you dropped this morning from last night’s bean burrito dinner, I slipped on the muddy bank and fell into the river. From the shoulders down, I was submerged under ice cold water. From the neck up, I was feeling the frigid weather more than ever. I don’t know about all those levels that Dante’s hell had, but I do know that there are at least two levels of hell in Tennessee.

Karma’s a bitch. And at the moment, Carl and Eric are its best friends.

This is where the comedy begins…

As soon as I hit the water, I was thinking about the piece of expensive gadgetry around my neck, my non-waterproof 30X zoom digital camera. While most people in freezing waters would scream, “Help!” I couldn’t help but scream, “Camera!”

And being the good friends and quick thinkers that they are, Carl and Eric turned around, saw me in the water, and…grabbed my hand their cameras and started taking pictures of me struggling in the water to get out. I yelled, “Camera!” again, this time raising it up so that Carl and Eric saw it and would hopefully understand to take it up to higher ground. Instead, Eric reached for my camera and tried to take pictures of me with it still in the river trying to get out. It wasn’t until I yelled, “I can’t feel my nuts,” when they finally tried to get me out. I guess a man’s life isn’t in danger until his manhood is being threatened.

Yet another memorable Carl, Eric and Erwin Three Amigo moment…

Super Bowl celebration at The Playing Field


BTW - my camera no longer works. Help me preserve the good times through taking pictures by donating to the Erwin Needs a New Camera Drive by clicking the button on the right. Thanks for your generosity!