8 Simple Rules for Driving in Chicago

1. When approaching intersections, continue to drive at least 5 seconds past the change of light color to red -- otherwise the driver behind you might go through your bumper.

2. When trying to turn left, move well into the intersection, and after the light has turned red wait for the 10 approaching cars to clear the intersection and then turn while you block the movement of cross traffic. No one expects to start on green in Chicago.

3. If the car in front of you is going to turn after the red light has changed, you can turn as well, just stay within 12 inches of their bumper to make this legal.

4. Drive with one hand on the horn, just in case, and the other holding a cell phone to your ear.

5. If there are pedestrians or tourists in the crosswalk preventing the car in front of you from making a turn, honk your horn as loudly as you can and encourage all other drivers to do the same, as this will make the stress of running down pedestrians less than the stress of being the object of so much sound fury.

6. Always honk at tourists in the crosswalk as there are only 7 million of them per year, and this is our city, so they should spend their money and get out of the way.

7. If you see a traffic cop in a police car, take a photo, as such occurrences are about as rare as finding a spotted owl in Chicago.

8. If you need to change lanes, the best way is to push toward the sides of luxury cars that will give way rather than take a chance on being scratched.

MS-Paint: Bringing People Together

It's the day after Christmas and instead of joining the millions (and millions) of people wasting precious moments of their lives in line returning gifts they can't recycle for next year's white elephant grab bag, I'm stuck at work also wasting my life away. All I can do is reminisce and thank the few people who kept me company a few days prior on Christmas Eve. Let me tell ya, Microsoft's products aren't totally evil. If it wasn't for Microsoft Paint, I would never have been able to visualize what Becky looks like...and also show people what I do all day. See?

Daily...of the Day: I'm so brain-dead right now, I can't think of one. Read what Odd Todd learned on TV

Happy December 25th (To Everyone Else)

No matter what your beliefs are, happy holidays to all! My day was pretty uneventful, but I guess the reason why I'm posting is to let everyone know of a life lesson I learned:

Daily Life Lesson of the Day: If you're thinking of hooking up with someone, don't do it on a holiday, especially one of your favorite holidays. Because if (when) things go sour, that holiday will serve as a reminder that you did a dumbass thing on that holiday.

Yah, so I was wishing friends a Merry Christmas when an ex called. Today would have marked our 5th year together if we were still together. Two years ago, we were talking marriage; today, we barely knew each other. Really, really awkward conversation...

Anyways, here's what people gave me as gifts so far:

-A Gift Card from the GAP
-A GAP V-Neck Sweater
-A glass chess board that uses shot glasses for chess pieces
-Kick-ass brownies from Stacey (they kick ass!)

Thank you!

A New Hobby

I started and finished my Christmas shopping this morning. It wasn't as stressful as it could have been; I didn't have to fight through as big a crowd as I expected. I came across a store that sold, among other things, weaponry. Probably because I was good with my holiday shopping, an intense urge to purchase something for myself came upon me. So I bought this. Not quite sure, but I think my "Silent but Violent" persona came out there. And now I'm stuck with a ninja star that I won't use. I guess I'm going to have to buy a sword or something so that the star doesn't stick out. The beginning of a new hobby...

Daily Quote of the Day: "Certain chance of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?" - Gimli, LOTR:ROTK

A Work Rant

I knew this week was going to be a really, really bad work week. It's kinda like the early cramps that a woman gets before she starts to rag. But I had no idea how bad the last two days could possibly be. The worst thing was I had no one to go to or fall back on to help me out. It was just me, and all me, trying to resolve issues and get things completed before strict time-sensitive deadlines pass. I understand that I might be the most knowledgeable person about a certain process or two. But please, when I need someone to lend a hand, step up and take some initiative...

Coming straight out of school (or for Carl, cumming directly out of school...oooohh!), I worked for a very prestigious investment bank for an asshole boss. But although he was an asshole, I was able to pick up on three big things that I could apply to people in general:

1. People lack accountability
2. People lack organization
3. People lack tenacity

Since I've worked for Mr. Asshole, I don't think I've met a single person who's disproven these generalizations. It kills me that people bitch and moan they aren't recognized for their accomplishments, when they don't even want to associate themselve with the mistakes they've made. It kills me that in a profession that requires you to be flexible and adaptable, many can't hang simply because they weren't prepared enough. It kills me that people are more than willing to accept the status quo when there are tons of opportunities to not only take the ball, but run with it.

And it kills me that I'm only 24-years old and I'm the one telling 30 and 40-year olds to open their eyes. At my age in this industry, I'm still considered a kid. All this stuff should be way over my head. So why the hell am I the one running the friggin show???

Winter Holiday Blues

It's hard for me to admit this, but I am burning out. Work has beaten me down and worn me out to the point that this cold that I've had for close to three weeks is nowhere near going away. It's not helping any, however, that with the holidays arriving very shortly I am starting to become down at the realization that I will be experiencing the holidays pretty much alone. It's been over 5 years since I celebrated Christmas and/or New Year's without a special someone in my life. And it's not about just being with somebody just to have someone....

(WARNING: Erwin showing his affectionate side)

The fact that I was in love with someone who was in love with me back is to me the greatest gift one could ever give/receive (love is reciprocal) no matter what time of the year. Holding someone in your arms and looking into her eyes, saying the words "I love you", feeling the warm feelings she's feeling as she absorbs the meaning of those three words, and then hearing her repeat those words back as she gazes into my eyes...With all the couples I see that are out there, very few ever get the chance to experience that feeling of not only being loved but also being in love...and since I have been given the opportunity to experience that feeling, it truly is a gift...

(END Erwin affectionate moment)

Yah, so it sucks be lonely during the holiday season. Folks, you've just witnessed the Daily Gay Moment of the Day

And the Morning After...

Uhhh, me sooo tired. Open bars can be sooooo good, but they can also be soooooooooo not good. Oh well, came home from work and laid down. A few minutes later I get a call from Stacey:

Erwin: Hello?
Stacey: Hey, look outside your window!
Erwin: What?

Apparently, Stacey has taken a page out of Carl's book of getting a hold of me, skipping over steps 1 and 2 and moving directly on to the more evasive step 3:

When steps 1 and 2 don't work, drive over to Erwin's place, park in his driveway and announce that you are in his driveway.

It worked. Stacey, Jen, Jon and I went here. We ate, then I went home and back to bed...

Daily Rule of the Day: (The Stacey Exception): If Steps 1 and 2 are skipped, executing Step 3 better be for a damn good reason... like satisfying the rumble in my belly

My 1st (True) Company Holiday Party

So yeah, our company holiday party was today. I don't really have anything to compare it to since the holiday parties of past years were really nothing but catered food held in the back of a retail store. I guess I could say that the party was way nice since it was held at the Palmer House in downtown Chicago, the food kicked ass and there were 6 open bar areas (need I say more?). The band they had sucked, but that doesnt matter when you're watching buzzed female professionals on the dance floor. Really though, if I had to describe my 1st holiday party experience, it would probably be summarized as an "extended happy hour," except everyone's invited (happy hours are by exclusive invite only at CIS), and we got to see what some of our fellow co-workers' spouses look like...and we got to call our boss a bitch to her drunk face!!!

Leave It To the Pros

Living in a big city like Chicago, it's hard not to have a cynical outlook on life. Even though I know a long day of work is ahead of me, I wake up with a cheery attitude. But then as I'm getting ready for work I turn on the news (because I'm too cheap to spend $0.35 on a newspaper) to give me conversation starters for the day and what's the first thing I see? 2 Indiana kids found in plastic bags in some freak's basement buried under cement. To my horror though, that wasn't the worst piece of Tuesday morning news...

Monday was a slow sports day (everyday's been a slow sports day ever since the Bulls won their last championship moons ago) so the news decided to do a small piece on an event sponsored by the Chicago Cubs letting a bunch of people become general managers for the Major League's baseball teams. Sounds cool right? A chance for the typical armchair quarterback, err, manager to show off his or her decision-making skills to create a winning baseball team.

Uhhh, riiiight. The guy doing the news piece interviewed a bunch of people if their strategies involved acquiring specific players. The people he interviewed didn't know who these players were. So these armchair know-it-alls didn't know who these players were, that's OK (not really, the players mentioned were big-names). What wasn't OK was that the people interviewed were lispy and seemed totally flaming. OMG - a sports version of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I may be armchairing the armchairs, but these guys didn't have a clue nor did they really have any care of managing their teams. They were more interested in the players (and possible players) of their team in a non-sports "hey i wanna get to know you, let's take a shower together" sort of way.

And all my cynical self could mumble was, "Figures, baseball was a gay sport anyways. Time to get to work"

And on that note, the

Daily Cynical Song of the Day: Fuck Y'all - DMX

Wasabi!

Changing things up a bit...

Super Stacey's Daily Fact of the Day: Wasabi has anti-microbial agents that fight and prevent plaque-buildup

Had my first sushi experience tonight at a restaraunt called Chi Tung in Evergreen Park. Along with the first sushi experience (which was very positive), I had my first personal wasabi experience as well. It's some pretty sinus-clearing stuff. And as Stacey's fact mentioned, it has some dental benefits as well. How about creating some teeth-whitening strips infused with some wasabi? They'll make your teeth brighter, fight plaque, AND free congested nasal passages. What do you think? Anyone want to test the new tooth strips out? Or how about wasabi-flavored ice cream? Fear not the brain freeze. The wasabi-induced brain melt is much, much more lethal. New form of capital punishment?

A Twisted Concert

Ummm, The Daily Rant of the Day:

I'm gettin old. I hear the crackling in my knees and I feel the aching in my back. My memory is going too (can't blame that on old age, it's because of that evil school and its dymensia). A few days ago I got tickets for a radio station's holiday show. The show's lineup wasn't too bad - AFI, Dashboard Confessional, 311, Korn, and Jane's Addiction. Walking in to the place though, I couldn't help but feeling a bit out of place. My eyes naturally scanned for the alcohol stand, but the lines for alcohol were non-existant, which was all too wierd for me (an alcohol-free show on a weekend? wtf??). Why? The majority of the crowd was between 12 and 20. True there were older people there, but that was because their kids needed rides to the place and the parents were either A) trying to prove that they could get jiggy with their kid's time (very sad) or B) they were dragged into going against their will (even sadder).

AFI was the show opener. A lot of shouting and hair-flopping. Not much music involved. A real-life South Park version of Tim-may would've kept me more entertained. AFI finished their set and the grade school/high school kiddies loved'em. Dashboard came out next. I thought they were pretty good. The times I could make out the lyrics (barn acoustics suck), Dashboard showed that they actually had substance to their music. They were better than I thought, but the guys sitting a row behind us, and what seemed like the general consensus was that DC sucked. What? Huh? These guys actually sung and they suck? Let me borrow Stacey's hair, gimme a few drinks, an evil twitch, take me back to last Sunday and I could still do a better job than what AFI did...

But that's me. And if I asked people around my age, they'd better probably agree with me. Which brings me to my point (yes, there is a Brothers Grimm not-a-moral reason to this post). Maybe it really is me or "us" though. The stuff that defines the meaning of music (there exists only good music, shit music is a redundant term) for me is based on what I have listened to growing up. And what I listened to growing up is way different from what's on the radio now. Which is really sad, because kids today are deprived; they couldn't tell the difference between music and shit with all the shit that's on the radio. From an old-timer to all you newbies out there: they don't make music nowadays like they used to.

Restaraunt Review

Working in downtown Chicago for a pretty good company (I really can't give it a more specific description, but it is totally legit, promise) isn't so bad. It even has perks when you're considered an important piece of their business thingamajiggy. One of the companies we have a relationship with took a few of us out for dinner at this restaraunt called Spago.

The atmosphere of the place seemed really laid back but lively. The design of the place was nice too; it had a classy feel with contemporary ceilings. If you aren't going to order wine (extensive wine list), you won't be happy with the choice of drink selections at the bar. A friend of mine wanted a strawberry daiquiri and was turned down because they don't make daiquiries there (oooh, like it's not classy enough to meet their standards or something).

For appetizers, we ordered a chicken pizza and some calamari (they used descriptive words to fluff up the two, but to keep it simple, pizza and calamari). The pizza to me was nothing to rave about. I liked the calamari, but I am a fan so I'm a bit biased on that one. Someone else ordered steak tartar. I've never heard of it before. When it came out it look like dog food taken out of a can. And then I found out it was raw meat. Figures, a dog ordering dog food (yes, there are people at work I'm not too thrilled about).

I also ordered a bowl of butternut squash soup. I'm also a fan of butternut squash. My sister made this soup for Thanksgiving. Spago's wasn't as thick as hers, but I think it was just as good. So, Lorabel, good job on the soup, you can work at Spago, if your drama/GAP career doesn't work out =)

For my main course I ordered a steak with mashed potatoes and vegetables. I almost didn't want to eat it because it looked pretty. I can't turn down a steak though, and the sauce they put on it (no clue what it is) was really good.

For dessert, I ordered a strawberry shortcake. It was really big and by the time dessert came, I was way full. I ended up splitting the dessert with several people at the table. It was really good.

The service was muy excellente. They had servers watching over the table making sure that we were fully taken care of. The chef even gave us complimentary cups of soup before the appetizers arrived.

Overall, dinner was pretty good. However, one great thing about Chicago is that there are a ton of restaraunts to check out. We could have probably gone to a restaraunt with the same level of service and food quality for a less expensive price. Oh well, it's good corporate cards exist because if I had to take the $700 bill, I'd probably have a heart attack.

15 Seconds of Fame

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I perceive my life as boring. I have ideas on how to spice it up and make it more interesting. I've even actually followed through on most of those ideas. I just think its one of those things where if you do interesting things constantly, then it all becomes a routine, turning what was once interesting into something montonous (i.e. boring) <----I don't know if it makes sense to you all, but it does to me in my messed up head.

In an attempt to do something out of the ordinary, I took part in a Q101 forum held at their radio station. It was pretty kewl. We got to talk about music and stuff. The forum moderator was this 40-50 year old guy from Detroit who never listened to the station before. Let me tell ya, the guy was totally lost (I think the research guys in the other room who were watching us through a hidden camera were also confused) when we were on the subject of Mancow's Morning Madhouse, Turd, Drunk Girl Friday and Fact or Shiznit?

After the forum, this chick (it seems like they only hire cute girls there) gave us a tour of the station. It's smaller than I had thought. There really is a Lava Lamp Love Lounge and Al Roker Jr. is really the "resident black guy" because he has his own office. The studio is pretty big, it's got a computer for the DJ to check listener e-mails, and 3 TVs that are set to one sports channel and 2 other shows.

Then the big moment. We got a chance to meet Fook while he was on the air doing his radio show. And he introduced us on the radio. So if you were listening around 7:30-ish at night and you heard a bunch of guys being excited about their free Schick Quattro 4 razors that they just got, chances are you probably heard me. And folks, that was my 15 seconds of radio glory.

Quote of the Day: From Super Stacey: "I think the reason that murder is illegal and immoral has something to do with the fact that 98% of the population deserve to be killed just for being so effing stupid!"

Before I actually post something worth noting, I want to make a few quick observations on "stuff":

1. There are people out there who actually check my blog out...and on a regular basis too
2. About the people who read my blog - they read it on their own free will, not because I throw out cheap plugs and spam like crazy
3. The whole comments feature and live chat side bar on the blog are totally useless because everyone seems to like shooting me e-mails rather than trying to start up a mini-forum
4. People actually like my creative writing style (i.e. errr, poems "flows"). They like it, they really like it.

OK, moving on with life (yes, there is more meaning to this statement than it seems):

Erwin's Christmas Wish List

Thanks, Jen, for the suggestion; if Odd Todd can get people to send him money because he's unemployed and lives off his website (literally), why can't I get people to persuade me that there really is a Santa by having them send me gifts?


1. Peace on Earth - must be achieved by peaceful means, good luck!
2. My two front teeth - hey, why are you trying to stick those pliers in my mouth?
3. End to world hunger - and moralizing cannibalism doesn't count

4. Damian's baby - uhhh, Stacey's using her vulcan mind powers to take over my #4 wish
5. Paul Walker 's baby - what? Super Stacey's vulcan powers and Jelly Bean Jen's rainbow brite laser rays are overwhelming

I'll really believe in Santa if you can drop those down the chimney (except the last two, please hand deliver them to Stacey and Jen). If you can't deliver on my top 5, that's OK; I'll understand that Santa only comes to my place to mooch off of my milk and cookies and get in my bed to sleep with me. Awww krap, my Michael Jackson Santa fantasy just came out.

I'll settle for these though:

1. DVD's - please consult with me in an inconspicuous way before attempting to get me a movie; if i get puppet porn again I am going to scream!
2. Sony Net MD case - comes in handy when I'm at the gym
3. Bootie socks - I like showing off my ankles, don't ask me why
4. A professional looking belt - I need a belt that I can proudly wear to work. Please no belts with huge belt buckles that say Texas or Mexico on it either. I'm a size 32, 34, 36, grrr 38
5. A new bottle of cologne - the sad thing is I don't use mine often and they are mysteriously evaporating. For those people who think I'm actually worth the money, I currently have the following - Hugo Boss, Curve for Men, Polo Sport and Chrome. Feel free to get me something different if you don't like those and thanks for being a friend and telling me I reek.

Song I'm Listening to Right Now: I Hate Everything About You, Three Days Grace - just going along with the bitter mood this week

Cheated


Sadness doth take me over
Things look grey, whithered and so much older
I feel the sun’s heat but its rays feel so much colder
The flames that burned in my heart for you now have smoldered

Erwin, stop it with that poetic bit
You’ve given up yourself and gotten back shit
You look calm but inside we know you’re throwing a fit
Depression sets in, suicidal thoughts abound, I’d better get that first-aid kit

Alive or dead, I have no worth
Enduring tough hardships since my birth
Used to living in a world of suffering and hurt
Suicidal thoughts? I haven’t lost myself yet, I’m still fully alert

OK then, let’s keep on with the flow
Come on dude, let everything including yourself go
Express yourself, make me see your feelings and emotions show
What she told you I would like to know

She slept with a “friend” about a month ago
Additional details I did not want to know
They had drinks, he kissed her and she didn’t say no

I’m sorry, Erwin, but I gotta say it – what a hoe

To top it off, the guy’s name is Duke
Fucking a guy with a dog’s name makes me want to puke
I asked her more than once if he was still her friend and she didn’t rebuke

Then no doubt this wasn’t a fluke

I sensed things were wrong before and she said things were going to be okay
Together we were going to get through the long distance and the 2 hour time delay
Her words of reassurance though, like our relationship, have begun to fade
She made her choice and now she’s gotta live the consequences of the choice she made

Song I'm Listening to Right Now: Goodbye - Jagged Edge

The Negative Effects of Beer

Signs That Erwin Has Had Quite A Few Beers

1. More people flock to him (not really), generating more body heat, thus creating a redness in his face
2. The greater volume of people (again, not really) also raises conversation; Erwin gets louder to compensate
3. With more people around, it's important that no one is left out of the conversation. That's why Erwin speaks super slow, almost resembling word slurring

And after Friday night,

4. The millions (and millions) of people listening to Erwin talk are silenced by his awe inspiring words of wonder....NOT!

Actually, Friday night was weird. My happy hour drinking at Dos Hermanos seemed to impair my ability to hang in conversations. Normally (sober or not), I'm pretty good at keeping conversations going as it seems like I always have something to say about everything. Nothing that came out of my mouth made sense. I mean, I don't normally make sense, but there was nothing brash or witty I said. Maybe beer makes me a more geeky, dull person

Of course, it may not have just been the beer that shut me up. It could have also been the main topic of my happy hour - tea bagging and snow blowing - which was started by a bunch of females in the office; yeah, that left me pretty speechless

WTF?? of the Day: WTF is up with Saturday Night Live? It's become a pretty sleezy gay show. Really, it has - there were at least 3 skits where guys were kissing each other or pretty close to kissing each other. They allow that on TV, but they don't allow swearing or vulgar language, go figure. WTF??

Conversation Killa

As long as I am working in the middle of downtown Chicago, there will surely be more of the following:

So I'm on the train...

So I'm on the train coming home from a long day's work, and a co-worker of mine sees me and decides to sit next to me. While I don't mind company on the train, I enjoy my quiet times to myself on the train people watching. This person, however, is not the kind of person I'd choose to talk to over my moments of people observing...

You see, one of my greatest pet peeves is how some people just don't listen. This person likes to ask me questions but not listen to my answers...

So I'm on the train, not really paying attention to her and channelling my focus on other people's train actions when out of nowhere this person asks if I wanted to have kids in the future. Not realizing what the conversation was about, I responded with a dumbfounded "Ummm, yeah." She responded with "Yeah, I want kids too." And this 200+ pound behemoth of female origin said it with a weird gleam in her eye. Like wtf? Was I supposed to take that a certain way?

Dude, the whole thing was totally wrong. I got train sick and claustrophobic all at the same time. And the invisble Erwin that was the people watcher became the people's watchee. The mental images of conception and carrying the fetus in one of her many rolls will forever scar me for life.

Onto brighter things (according to Stacey), the

Daily Fact of the Day: The name Damian is of Greek origin and means "sweet and harmless."

Smalltown USA
Stopped by OfficeMax today, the place that funded my lunch money in high school and gas money in college. I saw some new faces (it's retail, there's ALWAYS a new face lurking somewhere), but also a couple familiar ones, the ones I used to work with. The OfficeMax on Harlem and Lawrence reminds me of movies about unhappy smalltown people trying to "make it big" and leave the smalltown for bigger and better things. It's so true, I should know - I worked there for 5 friggin years.

Every year was supposed to be my last Back-to-School and each year I was back for it. I was stuck at OfficeMax and no matter what I did, I couldn't get out. I wasn't the only one though; in the time I was there, I heard just about everyone bitch and moan about the place. But we were all still there. We would talk about leaving, but no one ever really did. And even the ones who did leave came back (in Carl's case over and over again).

On my way out of Omax, I ran into Leo. He shook my hand and told me that he was proud that I was able to make something of myself beyond OfficeMax. In his eyes, I was one of the few who made it, who left the "smalltown" for bigger endeavors, an Omax success story. This smalltown boy is making it big in the world!

OK, here comes the always redundant

Daily Fact of the Day: Skunks can shoot their stinky spray only 6-10 feet, but it can be smelled up to 2.5 miles away...Conversely at a distance of 6-10 feet, Carl's asshole is 2.5 miles wide

"Down There In a Few, Bro..."

I'm on my way to Kat's place when on the phone:

Kat: You here?
Erwin: Yeah, I'm here
Kat: Ill be down there in a few, BRO

I got off the phone feeling weird that a female actually called me "bro". It's kinda like a dark skinned person of African origin (to be politically incorrect - black) being called a _igga by someone who wasnt negro (again, black). Not to seem sexist or anything, but guys call each other "bro," I don't think it was a term meant for the sistas to use I guess it would be OK if Kat was a dyke (dykes are pseudo-males), but she shows no dykish tendancies. Wussup with that?!

Anyways, here comes the

Headline of the Day: Scientists Say Video Games Are Addictive A study was done that confirmed what parents have known for years - video games can be addictive. DUH! I find it ironic that scientists have so much spare time on their hands that they're actually researching this when they don't even see the underlying reason for video game-itis: Gaming addicts, like these scientists, have way too much friggin time on their hands

+1
At work, +1 is the name given to the first business day of each month signifying the closing of the previous month's activity. It's the most stressful day of each month, so much that the company is willing to pay for meals and transportation to motivate their employees to work hard. Today was +1; from this quick lesson in business, you can conclude that this month's +1 is going to suck even more because it falls on a Monday and Mondays always suck. So how did I prepare for +1? I was out till midnite the nite before drinkin my happy ass off and celebrated the beginning of Monday scarfing down a king size steak burrito at TBK...

I woke up after 3 hrs of sleep realizing that I acheived a "burrito buzz" - visualize a jagr bomb: a shot of jagr dropped in a glass of red bull. Now think of a burrito as the jagr shot being dropped into a stomach full of beer. The burrito buzz, like the jagr bomb, can and will fuck you up.

The great thing about being buzzed is that you're in your own happy world being completely oblivious to everything else happening around you. I walk into work on +1 with my burrito buzz, quite content that a US dollar account I manage was in negative territory. If you're checking account was negative $100, I think you'd be upset with a $25 overdraft fee. My US dollar account was negative $50 MILLION...And I was being charged close to $10,000 in overdraft charges a day... And I was content with it thanks to the burrito buzz. Thank you burrito buzz!


Cheap Plug of the Day: Pixar Entertainment's "Finding Nemo" available for purchase beginning in 30 minutes!

Where Have You Been?, Part 2
It's been over 3 months since I posted a damn thing on this friggin site, I could think of at least two reasons why:
(1) A few days after the last post, I took a trip to Washington and came back as a nature lovin tree huggin hippie, going around the world to save all trees, coniferous and deciduous alike.
(2) When I wasn't saving the Amazon, I started reading The Lord of the Rings and all of a sudden I was in the millenium version of the 80s movie the Neverending Story. I was going onto the 2nd chapter when I stumbled upon a ring...and when I put it on, I disappeared. I realized that I needed to take it back to Mount Doom not only to save the world as we know it, but also to save the trees.
Wait...there's a 3rd reason...
(3) I lifted the self-imposed ban on posting stuff due to my right of free speech being violated. I figured, if people are going to tell me what not to write about on a private site, then I might as well make it a public site and have the whole world censor me (Like that, Kat, I'm back!)
Anyways, instead of the weekend updates, I'm going to move on...but sometimes in order to go two steps forward, ya need to take one step back. Reminiscing Moment, better watch out: That whole line about going backwards to go forward is so true. It was around this time last year (Flashback in Progress), when I said the same thing after losing my job. Not to mention other crappy things were going on in my life. It sucked. Life sucked. Feeling like a worthless piece of shit sucked. Going to the gym twice a day because that was the only productive thing I did well sucked. Then going to the bars and drinking yourself out of pity and then back into it sucked even more. Life went on though, and so did I. 365+ days later, I think about where I was, and where I'm at now and I can honestly say that I'm a better person because of the struggle and the triumph (geez, I meet the criteria of an epic hero, yeah it's all in my mind, but it's true, it's damn true). Like that Crystal Method song title, Keep Hope Alive.
Oh, the point of this story (Harsh end to the reminiscing moment): The unemployment website. The now defunct unemployment website that I created because I had spare time is what brought this whole blog about. Discussed strange but true things by putting a "satirical" spin on stuff that happened. My mind was in sync with Matt Stone and Trey Parker, I was living life like it was a really long South Park episode. Then I got a job and things got serious. Posts became serious and depressing. Let's not let that happen again, Otay Otwan?
The Daily Fact of the Day shall return. In the meantime, the typical blog breaker:
Song I'm Listening To Right Now: Figured You Out, Nickelback off their new CD: "I like the pants around your feet/I like the dirt that's on your knees/I like the way you look up at me/and the way you still say please/you're like my favorite damn disease." - Any song that starts out like a porno is bound to be a hit. This will hit the charts, I guar-run-damn-tee it

Where Have You Been?
Geez, over 2 weeks since the last post, w'sup with that? The gap between posts is almost as wide as the gap between Carl's ass cheeks. Not much has been going on. Enough of the weekend update, here's a 2 week update:

Work: I've been workin my ass off, and what's my reward? More work. I've been a but edgy lately and people are starting to recognize me doing things that are un-Erwin-like, like drinking coffee and swearing louder than usual. It kind of worries me too, I'm starting to mention the need for a beer a bit more as each stressful day goes by.

The Gym: Haven't been happy with my workout schedule over the past couple months, so I changed it up. I think it's working because my desire to go to the gym is less and less these days

Concerts: I am all concert-ed out. Really I am. That's why I saw Shania Twain last weekend (she's HOT!, too bad she's Can-eh-dian) and this Saturday I'm gonna see 311. Then after that, no more concerts for awhile...I hope

Playin ball: OK, it's bad enough when you lose one basketball, but how about two in one summer? More than that, what if one of the balls you lost wasn't yours and your friend doesn't know it yet. Sucks to be me

Well, that's pretty much all that's been going on. Now you know why I haven't blogged for a couple weeks - there's nothin to talk about!

Weekend Update
Man, what a crazay weekend. Here we go with a quick recap.

Friday, 7/11: FINALLY watched Jackass the Movie. Anyone want a yellow snowcone?

Saturday, 7/12: Lollapalooza @ the Tweeter Center. Almost 8 shmacks for a beer and $10 for a burrito? What's up with that? Tweeter is not the best outdoor venue to see a show, and it really showed. Incubus was good and Audioslave rocked. Still bending over and grabbing tight to my ankles, had my first Oberweis milkshake, which cost me $4. Oh well, not broke....yet

Sunday, 7/13: 2nd concert in as many days, and the opposite of the type of music we listened to the day before. Missy, 50 Cent and Eminem rocked Ford Field in Detroit. Had fun mooning a car with my big (_____________)(____________) on our way to the concert.

Monday, 7/14: How Erwin prepares for a long car ride home: A Bob Evans meat-filled omelette, side order of potatoes, a biscuit, and one of Jennifer's pancakes. And then 2 Coney Island topped hot dogs...And then 3 Chicago style hot dogs with 3 sides of greasy garbage from Jimmy's on Grand and Pulaski. Can you say heart attack?

Coming Soon...A Rant

It's On You
Grrrrrr.....Arrggghhhh....Ackkkkk.....I'm still steamin after yesterday. When I'm not at work, I try not to think about work, but after yesterday, the fact that im still pist off is just not good. So I guess I'll discuss...

A few weeks ago, I was offered to take part in a major project at work that would take a great deal of time and a great deal of effort. Upon getting the invite, I told my boss about the offer. She had immediately told me to turn it down because our department is short staffed. Since our department is so short-staffed, you'd figure even my boss wouldn't be able to do it, right? Wrong - not only was I not given a chance to show what I can offer...she took the project herself. Not all of it though. Seeing as how I have the most knowledge in my department about this project, they still want my input (i.e. they want to suck in what I know and when they suck me dry, they'll spit me off to the side and take the credit).

I'm more hurt than mad though. I'm supposed to trust my higher-ups. Instead, I get stabbed in the back. Totally unprofessional. She even had someone else tell me of the news. More unprofessional. There's more but we won't even go there...

As always, I will overcome and get through this...they will feel my fury.

Pee-Lay-Pee-Noo Time
In my "x"th attempt to constantly update a website, I once again have failed. Even more, I just realized that my previous blogger entries discuss things that occur a few days before, not during the current day, not even the day before. There seems to be a bit of lag between the time something happens and the time I actually write about it. It's all about the "pilipino time," really it is. But if it wasn't for pilipino time, then these thoughts wouldn't be as random (thus the blog name Random Thoughts), right?

NEwayz, here's a quick recap of everything that's happened since the 3rd till yesterday:

Friday, the 4th - Did the Taste AGAIN and had an Alcapurrias, which is a chicken-filled banana Puerto Rican dumpling. It looked like a huge turd. But it was real good. Yum, me likes PR turd.

Saturday, the 5th - Hung out with Carl and Julie and watched their wedding movie. Congratulations on surviving married life for 1 whole year. I knew you two wouldn't let Greg and me's efforts go to waste. Oh, and thank you Carl for the 2 beers and Julie for the 4 martinis in between. You two made my T3 movie watching experience tons better. The movie must've been good because I'm gonna see it again. "Must've"? Yes, must've, because I don't remember the movie or that part of the night. Thanks!

Sunday, the 5 +1 th - One year ago to this day I was hit by a car head-on crossing the street, giving my friends that saw the whole thing happen an Erwin icebreaker story to talk about for years to come. This year on this date I travelled up to SummerFest . It was all about the good, the bad, and the ugly in Milwaukee:

The Good - The beer
The Bad - The beer...on an empty stomach
The Ugly - The beer...on an empty stomach...trying to salsa dance - not pretty at all

Monday. the 5 + 1 + 1 th - Went to the gym with my friend Katherine and talked about how women in the Bally's locker room that have saggy boobs drop their top off with no shame and how women with perfect boobs don't drop them at all. What an injustice!

Glory
I've been going to the gym pretty hardcore the last few months with no goal in mind, until tonight. I learned, tonight, that all the sweat and all the hours I've put in the gym was to train for one thing - the Taste of Chicago.

While others train for the Olympics are triathalons, the Taste of Chicago is the ultimate in grueling competitions. You need stamina and will power to stay on your feet and fight through the crowds of millions...and millions of people jammed in one place (OK, maybe one million, definitely not two). All the time logged on the track and cardio machines paid off. Thanks!

I'm Ahso So Hoppy
I'm tellin ya, sometimes it's the smaller things in life that give the greatest pleasures. An hour ago, I finally figured out how this blogger archive thingy works. So now, you (which is really me, since I'm the only one who reads this) can click on an old date and it'll take you (me) to an old entry. So cool. I was gonna give up and go to an old blog site that I used to use. Now I have to figure out how to post pics on the site and we'll be all good.

Since I'm in a good mood, here's a blast from the past,
The Daily Fact of the Day: Behind vanilla and chocolate, nopoleon is the third most popular ice cream flavor

Have You Ever Wondered?
On the eve of the Gay Pride Parade which happened today, the Supreme Court overturned a law in Texas that outlawed sodomy. Yes, fudge-packing in Texas is now legal. While I'm indifferent to the ruling, I wonder how this topic was debated in the courts. I mean, was there extensive research on the positives and negatives of butt sex? And how exactly was this discussed in court? If I was a lawyer, I'd have trouble keeping a "straight" face saying to the court, "Your honor, anal sex should be legal because..."

Why Does Starbucks Have To Be So Damn Good?

Can someone please tell me what is it with Starbucks coffee that makes you want to come back for more? I don't think it's the taste of the coffee, because frankly I believe that Dunkin Donuts has way better coffee. Definitely not the price, for $4.50 I would rather have an MGD or Jack Daniels Hard Cola (yum). Maybe its the service they offer....

I've been to my share of "Harbucks" going out and about. I've even made the journey to see the Mecca of Starbucks in Seattle. No matter what Starbucks I go to however, I do notice one thing - how fake Starbucks employees are. Starbucks employees are the McDonald's workers of the mid to upper class. They're the starving college students; they're the housewives of men who have big egos but small wallets; they're the burnouts who've given up hope in trying to strive for something better (whatever better is). These people don't want to be there, yet they put on a happy face when "we" come in. They act cheery, but "we" all see through that but still cheerily go along with the act.

Last week, I went to Starbucks and had to wait in line for longer than usual to get my usual venti "x" frappucino 2x blended because the high 20's/low 30's "order here" guy (i.e. burnout A) couldn't figure how to handle an exchange on a defective coffee maker (I refuse to call it an expresso machine - oops, I did). When it was finally my turn, the guy that actually makes the caffeine enhanced beverage (burnout B) felt like he was obliged to make me feel better, so he started playing with the whip cream can as if he was a cowboy twirling around his gun back and forth between hands. He was really trying hard and I was outwardly amazed. On the inside, however, I was saddened how a grown man was reduced to being a clown in a Starbucks apron; I'm sure this really wasn't God had intended for my now burnt-out burnout coffee-making guy.

So now I think I know why I ("we") go to Starbucks. We go to make them feel special. We don't see them as coffee makers, we see them as baristas. We don't say ,"Gimme a large coffee, xtra sugar xtra cream (Dunkin Donuts lingo)", we say, "I would like a grande mocha latte with a couple shots of that tasty syrup stuff pleez." So for everytime you walk into one of them there Harbucks coffees, just remember that by going, you're doing your one good deed for the day.