Entirely Erwin

Movie Review: Pirates of the Carribean

Dammit, the moment's passed: I was going to blog last night, giving a critical review of Pirates of the Carribean. It was going to be the greatest literary achievement since Dick and Jane (c'mon, 'See Spot run' - so simple, yet so exhilarating to the mind, body and soul). My movie review would have been the crown jewel of the English language had I worked on it last night. Man, does 24 hours make a difference. Coming home last night from the movie, I barely remembered it; I remember even less tonight which makes Fez me sad because A) my short-term memory sucks and unlike last night, B) I'm sober tonight...sadness takes me over, that son of a beech....

So last night, I got the special privilege of watching an edition of Pirates of the Carribean even rarer than the limited collector's edition of the movie...wait *tear drop*, I'm feeling verklempt, I'll give you a topic, talk amongst yourselves: The Pirates of the Carribean Limited Collector's Edition DVD is neither limited since it was mass produced nor really much of a collector's edition since there's only one version of the movie out there...

Yeah, so unlike the not-so-special special edition, Stacey had the ever-interesting Pirates of the Carribean: Wine Drinkers Edition dvd. Did you know that the movie was originally intended to be similar to Lord of the Rings in that there are also 3 books that make up Pirates of the Carribean?

Book 1. POTC: The Fellowship of Wine
Book 2. POTC: The Two Wine Bottles
Book 3. POTC: The Return of Merlot

As a special feature, there's a gap long enough between books 2 and 3 for you to run out and grab a bottle of wine at your local liquor/drug store. You'll be going for a glass at the end of the movie which also bears some resemblance to LOTR: WARNING - SPOILER BELOW.....

Extreme close-up on the pirate king guy who finally comes out after fixing the eye shadow liner stuff that ran down his face. Pirate Carribean king guy tells fellow pirates to get on their knees and worship him or walk the plank. Camera slowly pans back showing pirate swashbucklers falling to their knees (the choreography was excel-lant). The wave of pirates suddenly stop at two lifesized bottles of wine. The pirate king guy looks at them intently and says that they bow to no one. And then unexpectedly the pirate king guy screws the cork out of 'em (pirate porn music playing in the background, of course).

It was a very climactic ending. Gotta love those alternate endings exclusive to the wine drinker edition dvds.

Daily Quote of the Day: I'm really disturbed about all these priest scandals I keep reading about in the papers. From what I can tell, the average priest is having more sex than I am. - Wilkerson